Not Enough

Since the start of the New Year I’ve been feeling like I’m falling further and further behind in keeping up with my dreams and keeping up with The Dreaming Cafe.

Part of me is able to stand back and acknowledge all that I have accomplished while also meeting the many personal obligations I have – obligations and responsibilities I have no regrets about taking on.

I’m proud of my accomplishments. Since the beginning of 2009 I have written and published over 120 issues of The Dreaming Cafe newsletter, written and posted over 400 blog posts, taught several online and offline workshops, hosted several teleclasses, written a few guest blogs, met a lot of inspiring people (some of whom are now friends), and collaborated with Barbara Winter and Alice Barry to launch the first Joyfully Jobless Jamboree. The Dreaming Cafe has helped me grow and expand in so many ways.

But, at the same time, a part of me feels like I am not doing enough. I’m not doing enough at home, not enough for my Mom, not enough for my husband, not enough at work and certainly I’m not enough here at The Dreaming Cafe. I haven’t had any new events, my newsletter has only gone out sporadically the last seven months, I’m not blogging regularly despite my best intentions and I’m not keeping up with my social media accounts. It feels like the success I’ve had is slipping away. I’m afraid that I will lose it all.

That’s the place I’ve been stuck in for the past week. I pretend that that everything is okay, when everything is not okay. It’s not okay.

When I find myself in this stuck, panicky, anxiety plagued place I try to remember to…

    Breathe. Take a deep breath, then another, then another.

    Stop hiding. Reach out to others. Ask for help. Just ‘be’ in the presence of others who ‘get’ me.

    Write. Write. Write some more.

    Pull out my art journal, paints, markers, crayons, glue and whatever else is in handy and lose myself in the act of creating. (I’ve discovered that art journaling is not only fun, but is amazingly calming and healing.)

These are the things that help me feel a little bit better, a little more calm and a little more peaceful.

They also remind me to let go and to TRUST . . . Trust that I am right where I am suppose to be, doing just what I’m suppose to be doing, in this moment.

message stone Jan 2012

Message Stone January 2012

One Response to Not Enough
  1. Nancy LaJambe
    January 11, 2012 | 1:13 am

    Sandy! Get out of my head! :)

    What a timely article to read. I, too, have felt like things are slipping with my blog lately, having been distracted by work, life, family. I can’t claim to have made such headway as you, but nonetheless, reading your article, in its thoughtful honesty, makes me feel just a little better.

    Thank you!

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