You may have noticed that not too much was been happening here at The Dreaming Cafe over the past six to seven months. Part of the reason is most of my time is devoted to care-giving or working part-time. The second half of the reason why I’ve been absent from the blogging scene is that I found myself exhausted, overwhelmed, plagued by anxiety and in general putting all my energy into caring for others instead of using some of my energy to care for me.

A few months ago a friend remarked how exhausted I looked and suggested that I needed to start taking care of myself. I laughed and used the age-old excuse, “I don’t have the time.” As soon as I said it, I knew it was a lie. The next day I set out to discover what self-care, what I began to call radical self-care, looked like for me.

The first thing I realized was that I had to prioritize things in my life and let go of somethings, even if only temporarily. There were three things I gave my self permission to take a break from.

First, I decided to take the pressure off of myself from publishing The Dreaming Cafe newsletter every week. I had done this for over 118 consecutive weeks and was quite proud of myself for the commitment I had shown and the broad range of articles I had written. But researching, writing, editing and publishing a weekly ezine/newsletter can be quite time consuming. And, time was a precious commodity at this point in my life. I realized that I couldn’t keep up with the self-imposed weekly schedule any more and take care of myself at the same time.

Next, came blogging. I love The Dreaming Cafe and I love blogging. But, again, the time required became more of a burden than a joy. It was difficult to clear my mind enough after a long day of taking care of someone else to actually form coherent thoughts and write. Again, as difficult as it was at the time I decided to take the pressure off of writing a set number of blog posts a month and instead post when I had something to say.

Finally, as much as Twitter has meant to me over the last few years, I decided to back away from it for awhile. It was a hard decision. Twitter has helped me stay on top of world events, meet people and form friendships, discover cool and interesting things to read about and learn about and it was an opportunity to engage with like minded people on a daily basis. It was fun, educational and social. But, it was outside of me and I knew that for me to take care of me, I had to turn inside.

These decisions weren’t made all at once or overnight. I began by experimenting and looking for ways that gave me time that was just for me with no outside demands. I needed to do things that helped renew my energy, to rest and to find a place of quiet where I could listen and hear myself. Over a period of several months I’ve done just that, and I’m continuing to do it today.

So, what did I discover? What have I been doing? How am I defining radical self-care?

Sleep. Before I could even contemplate anything else, I just needed to sleep, to rest both my body and my mind. This meant going to bed earlier, sometimes as early as 7pm. At other times it meant taking a nap during the day if I was home instead of doing housework, running errands, writing, etc.

Journaling. As much as journaling has been my constant companion for decades I had let go of this practice thinking it was a luxury, a frivolous pastime versus the soul restorative practice and tool for self-discovery that it is in reality. I wanted to return to my journaling practice and embrace it. Instead of journaling in a simple composition notebook or using a yellow legal pad I went looking for something beautiful, a notebook that reflected where I was today and what I was looking for. I found the perfect journal at B&N. It have me a place to explore, have fun and discover new passions, such as art journaling.

Reading. Reading for me is like oxygen is to the blood, it feeds me, it restores me and it is vital to my personal survival. So, why had I all but stopped reading? Was it some sort of punishment? The reasons were complex and I didn’t have to decipher them all to begin reading again. I now take the time every day to read for a least an hour. Sometimes, if I have an afternoon free I forgo doing the wash, vacuuming, even cooking, to settle in a read for three to four uninterrupted hours. This single act has been the most restorative for me.

Friendships. Even though I withdrew from some forms of social media, I did not withdraw from those closest to me. It wasn’t easy for me to reach out to others, but I did. And, I discovered that having a circle of support is worth more than any other resource I’ve found.

A special note here: Most of my friends are people I’ve meet through workshops or online. Several years ago I made the commitment to step outside of my comfort zone, to travel, to learn and to meet new people. That commitment has opened up my world in ways I could have never imagined. New friends are one of those rewards.

One more thing…video Skype has got to be one of the best innovations of the century. I talk to my friends from all across the country with video Skype and it is like we are hanging out in the same room together.

Asking for and seeking help. Asking for help has never been easy for me, but when just about every day is filled with physical pain and emotional pain it reaches a point where a decision has to be made, give up and continue to endure or ask for help. I chose to ask for help.

First, I reached out to the psychotherapist I had worked with before (another story for another day) and asked her to help me work through some of the questions and issues in my personal and professional life. Questions like “How can I plan for the future and go after my dreams when I’m caring for my Mom who is dying from cancer and is at the end of her life?” I was letting the contradictions of these two polar extremes drive me crazy instead of living in the moment and accepting each for what it is without judgement. We also explored issues like “Have I betrayed my dreams and myself by returning to the job I left behind?” She helped me see that it wasn’t a betrayal and that going back to work part-time was a blessing at this point in my life. Working part-time allows me to make a meaningful contribution to a company that helped me grow personally and professionally while also reliving the financial strain of supporting two households.

Next, I made an appointment with a family physician for a complete check up and to have the intense and almost deliberating pain in my neck evaluated. Overall my health was okay, but she did give me a script see a physical therapist. A month of physical therapy combined with a home routine has given me back 90% of the mobility in my neck and just about eliminated all my pain. I can’t tell you what a huge difference this has made in my quality of life. My heart goes out to people who have to live with chronic physical pain. You don’t realize just how bad it is until you are pain free again.

Schedules and a weekly routine. This is the most recent addition to my radical self-care program and one I resisted for a very long time. I used to believed that a schedule or routine of any sort would tie me down, box me in and restrict my freedom. What I’ve discovered is just the opposite. By setting a regular routine for what time I get up every day, to when I’ll work, when I shop for my Mom, and making a myriad of little choices about what day’s I’ll do what and when has given me more time and freedom and a whole lot less stress and anxiety. I have more time to spend with my husband, more time with my Mom and more time just for me. I’m still astounded by this discover. I would have never thought that a schedule of any sort or a weekly routine would give me MORE freedom.

Taking a blogging break and investing in myself and radical self-care has renewed my energy, helped me re-discover who I am, what I love and it has given me back a sense of hope. In Tuesday’s post (The Dreaming Cafe – The Vision Becomes Clearer) I wrote “All of these activities are helping my vision for both my personal and business life to become clearer. And, I’m having fun again. Writing is fun again. Teaching is fun again. Doing nothing is fun again.”

Comparing the way I felt earlier in the year – exhausted, overwhelmed, plagued by anxiety, plagued by physical and emotional pain – to the way I feel right now, today – energetic, excited, happy, hopeful, curious, peaceful and grateful – is proof that recognizing and honoring our inner needs is vital to our well-being so that we not only survive but thrive.

Moving forward I know that there are difficult days and difficult weeks ahead. But, at the same time, in the midst of caring for others, I’m discovering how to care for me, to have fun and to enjoy the present moment.

Whether you’re self-employed or work for someone else the work you do needs to meet your needs, or at least the important ones.

First, you get to decide the important ones and second, don’t expect your work to meet all of your needs. Just as you cannot expect a single individual, like your spouse or a friend, to meet all of your needs you cannot expect your work to meet all of your needs. Life is so much more than work, even when you enjoy your work or the lines between work and play are blurred.

So, what are your needs? Which ones do you expect to be met by your work? Which ones do you expect to be met by your other activities and relationships?

For today’s discussion I am going to focus on work.

I chose this topic mainly because several people have emailed me lately to tell me that they really enjoy their day-jobs, but feel the need to start their own business.

Although I believe that having something of your own that earns money, either full-time or part-time, on-the-side, has many benefits, it is not for everyone.

It may not be the right time. Your focus may be elsewhere.

You may not have the experience, self-confidence, maturity or a real desire to create and build something of your own. And, that’s okay! It is nothing to feel guilty, bad or ashamed about.

But, for some people it is the right choice.

I believe that part of the decision making process comes down to what you need and want from your work.

Maybe your current day-job is fulfilling some of your important needs, but not all of them.

Maybe your current day-job isn’t fulfilling any of your needs.

Maybe your self-employed work has turned out differently that you expected.

Maybe the needs you identified at the beginning of your self-employed journey have changed.

What are your wants and needs? Have you ever stopped to consider what you needed and wanted from your work?

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a good place to start examining these questions.

Now, I don’t want to teach a Psych 101 lesson, so let’s just dive right in and ask a few questions.

These questions are primarily related to the work you do, but you can also use Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to look at your life as a whole.

Level One – Basic needs: At the base of the needs pyramid are the basics of survival, food, clothing, shelter, etc and in today’s world, money or some other form of exchange to procure these things.

Questions to ask yourself:
Does the current work I do meet my income goals? What are my income goals? Have I even identified them?

(Note: Our income goals are very individual. One person’s income goals could mean that they live and travel extensively; for another it may mean that their basic expenses are being met with money left over for savings, charity and personal desires; while another persons income goals could be enough money to pay for a yearly, family Disney vacation.)

Level Two – Safety & security needs: This is the safety arena and includes such things as a safe place to live, your physical health and safety and the health and safety of your family. It also includes a job or a way to earn a living to support yourself.

Questions to ask yourself:
Do I feel safe going to work? Do I feel safe in the environment I work in? Does my work allow me time to take care of myself, physically, emotionally, spiritually? Is my family safe, secure and protected while I am working?

Level Three – Social needs: Next, comes our social needs, the love and intimacy related to family, friends, lovers, co-workers, peers, etc.

Questions to ask yourself:
Do I work with people I respect and who respect me? Do I feel comfortable being myself with my co-workers, colleagues, peers? Do I have fun with the people I work with, with my customers, with my partners? Do I like the people I come into contact with daily while doing my work?

Level Four – Self-esteem needs: Here we have reached a certain level of success and expertise in our field of work and in life. We have confidence in ourselves and what we can do and experience a high degree of self-esteem. Our positive self-image is reflected back to us in the form of respect from others.

Questions to ask yourself: Does the work I do feel fulfilling? Are there opportunities to share my knowledge and teach others while also continuing to learn new things? Does my work make me feel good about myself and my contribution? Do I respect the work I do? Do others respect the work I do? Is my work appreciated by others such as co-workers, supervisors, partners, peers, customers? Do I respect the people I work with and the company I work for?

Level Five – Self-actualized, personal needs: The top of the pyramid is where our needs are moving us into a more introspective, self-actualized, creative life.

Questions to ask yourself:
Is my work creative? Is it challenging? Does my work take advantage of my unique gifts and talents? Does my work provide opportunities to grow and learn both personally and professionally? Does my work allow me to ‘give back’? Is my work the best work I could be doing and the best use of my time, abilities, talents and desires? Is my work fun? Do I look forward to my doing my work? Does my work help others?

The needs at each level of the pyramid usually must be met before we can confidently and consciously move to the next level of needs. Of course, there is some crossover, especially between the bottom three and the top two categories.

Overall, of all the needs you have identified which ones are the most important to be met by the work you do?

Some of your needs may be met by a full-time, a part-time job or from your own self-employed work.

If there are some needs not being met, how can you fill in the gaps?

Maybe you will begin looking for a new job.

Maybe you will start your own business part-time, on-the-side.

Maybe you will start a new hobby, or go back to one you abandoned in the past.

Maybe you will decide to do some volunteer work.

Maybe you will add a new profit center to your existing business.

What did your answers reveal? What other questions and answers did you come up with while doing this exercise? Do you feel differently now toward the work that you do? If so, in what way?

Thinking about what we need and want and then evaluating our life and work against those needs and desires is the basis of any goal-setting, dream-building, action oriented plan and is the start of the journey to a more fulfilling, happier life.

This article has been edited, but was first shared in The Dreaming Cafe Newsletter, Issue 79, July 25, 2010.

You can read more articles like this and others by subscribing now.

Friends and colleagues often ask me how I find the time to do all that I do.

I have to chuckle a little, because I never find time, I often have to make time.

When something is important to me I recognize that I need to make time for it (or them). In the process of making time for what is important I need to give up time for things that are less important.

I need to be organized and prioritize what’s important.

Sometimes it is about making the time, and sometimes it’s about utilizing my time. Listed below are some of the things I do on a daily basis to get done what I need to get done and what I want to get done.

I rarely watch television. When I do it’s only DVD’s and the time is limited to only a few hours per week. We do not have cable or satellite television, nor do we have a TV that receives local antenna reception.

I carry books and notebooks with me wherever I go. Whenever I have to wait, out comes a book or my notebook so that I can read or write.

I always have non-fiction audio CD’s in my car so I can listen and learn on long commutes.

I used to get up very early, 3am-4am, but now I stay up late 10pm-11pm (that’s late for me). And, regardless how late I’m up till, I’m out of bed no later than 6am-7am each morning.

I try to plan our meals in advance so we only have to grocery shop once per week, with an occasional run to the farmers market for fresh produce. I also cook up a large pot of soup every Sunday that helps keep us going when time is tight during the week.

I don’t shop unless I absolutely have to. Shopping is not one of my favorite pastimes so I spend very little time in stores or malls. I go in with a list and get out as quickly as possible.

I set goals, both short term and long term. Goals help keep me focused and moving forward.

I utilize to-do lists and spend some time every morning and every evening reviewing what I’ve accomplished, what needs to be done and prioritizing tasks.

I mark all meetings and appointments, both personal and work related on my desk calendar, so I can see at a glance where I need to be and what I need to do a week at a time.

To keep my energy up so that I can be both productive and enjoy my working hours I walk in the park every morning with my spouse and read a bit every evening.

I don’t read as much as I used to.

These are some of the things I do to make time versus finding time for what is important to me.

What are some tips you can share from your own life?

Related Posts:

Managing Inbox Overload

Staying Organized

(aff link)

Seth Godin’s definition of a tribe is “a group of people connected to one another, connected to a leader and connected to an idea” To become a tribe, people need only “a shared interest and a way to communicate.”

Have you found your Tribe yet? Have you looked?

It took me a lot of years to recognize not only my need for a Tribe, but also to find it.

Now, I belong to several Tribes, some as a member and some as a leader.

You might not think you’ve found your Tribe, but in one small way you have. As readers of The Dreaming Café you belong to this Tribe. You can connect and share ideas and support one another at The Dreaming Café’s blog, Facebook page and on Twitter.

You may belong to other Tribes, as well. Think about it.

But, what if you are looking for more, a deeper connection or a connection to a larger group of people? What if you haven’t found your Tribe yet?

Listed below are Ten Ways to Find Your Tribe:

1. Have Lunch – Invite someone you don’t know very well out to lunch. Keep the conversation on them, get them to talk about themselves, be curious, sincere and listen actively. When lunch is over you may part and never have lunch again, you may have found a new friend or you may have found a member of your Tribe.
2. Learn – Attend a lecture, class or workshop in a topic you are interested in. Hang out during the breaks and afterward and talk to the other attendees. You already share a similar interest. Find what else you have in common, ask for and give contact information and follow-up afterward.
3. Ask questions - Ask questions and actively listen to the answers. Get to know people. The people you meet during the day while going about your normal activities could be people who belong to the same Tribe, but you won’t know until you ask questions and get to know them better.
4. Get out of the House – Just get moving and go to where you are most likely to find your Tribe, people you can connect with and who are willing to connect with you. This could be an art show, a museum, a sporting event, a church luncheon, a bus trip, or any other gathering of people. You won’t find your Tribe sitting on the couch, unless…you go online.
5. Go Online – Connect with people on the popular networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace and the specialty groups in Ning. Just like in the offline world, ask questions and get to know people. Share your interests and see who connects with you and who you can connect with. Build these relationships online, and then see if they can be moved to offline. Start slow and take your time.
6. Volunteer - Volunteer to give a talk or presentation about a subject you are passionate about to local community groups, special interests groups, PTA/PTO’s. Take the opportunity to see if you connect with the members and if the members connect with you.
7. Join a Group – Seek out local groups and organizations that seem to share similar interests and values. These can be small business groups, artist co-ops, environmental groups, church groups, etc. take you time and get to know people. You won’t connect with everyone who belongs and not everyone will connect with you, but by putting yourself in the same place as others who share similar interests raises your chances of finding your Tribe members.
8. Start a Group – Starting your own group online and off is easy with services like Meetup.com and Ning. (Ning is no longer free as of this month, but it still may be an option.)
9. Travel – Pack you bags and leave home, at least for a little while. Attend workshops, seminars, conferences and expos created around topics you are interested in. This is one of the fastest and easiest ways to connect with people. More than likely you are all looking to find your Tribe and what better place to look is a gathering of people with similar interests, values and beliefs. You are not always going to find your Tribe in your own back yard.
10. Pack-up and move – I know this sounds radical and might not be a realistic option for everyone, but it is still a viable choice. Not all of ‘fit’ in the environment or geographic location we grown up in or settled in. Sometimes we have to get up and move to find our Tribe. If you love to act and your local community doesn’t have a drama club or playhouse group, you have a choice – you can stick around and try to find your Tribe and build this community or go find it.

How many other ways can you think of to find your Tribe? Which one(s) will you take action on this week?

Related article of interest: Seth Godin’s Tribe Building Tactics: http://www.squidoo.com/tribebuilding

Continuing on from yesterday’s post Ten Benefits of Temporary Employment today I am talking about how to succeed as a temporary employee.

I have been on both sides of temporary employment. These suggestions are based on my experience both as a temp and as a manager who worked with and hired temporary employees.

As a side note, regardless of whether you are a temp employee or a permanent employee many of these suggestions can help you succeed in your current position and earn promotions and pay raises.

How to Succeed as a Temp Employee:
1. First impressions are important. No matter what position you are applying for, labor or clerical, always choose your best, most professional outfit when a applying at the temp agency.
2. Be honest when completing your application in regards to experience and availability. Never lie or exaggerate. If you have a resume attach it to your application.
3. If work is slow, make sure you follow-up with the agency on a weekly or daily basis and politely let them know you are available. You want your name to come to mind when they receive a new contract.
4. When you are given an assignment get all of the details – what are the hours, the pay rate, dress code, expectations, position parameters and who you will be reporting to. Also, inquire about any special needs, such as boots or sneakers, especially if you are working in a warehouse setting.
5. Always dress your best regardless of the position. If you have a clerical assignment dress as a professional, regardless if you are just a data entry clerk or taking a temporary management position. If you are assigned a retail or warehouse position, again dress appropriately, but always dress you best. Proper grooming and taking pride in your appearance is important.
6. Make sure you know where you are going and get directions if needed.
7. If you are unfamiliar with the traffic patterns or public transportation run times, leave early and give yourself some extra time.
8. Don’t be late. Always arrive on time, or a little early, every day of your assignment.
9. Do your work as efficiently as you can without wasting time.
10. Do your work to the very best of your ability. This may be a temporary assignment but give it 100% of your attention.
11. Remember, work is not a social club. It’s is fun to meet new people and make new friends, but remember the job comes first. Keep socializing to a minimum during the hours you are being paid.
12. Always ask questions if you are unclear about what to do or how to complete an assigned task.
13. Pack your lunch. Don’t waste time and money buying food from a vending machine or risk leaving for lunch and returning late.
14. Never conduct personal business while on the clock. Put your cell phone on vibrate and check it on your break. No surfing the internet or checking your personal email.
15. If you finish your assigned tasks ask if there is anything else you can do to help. Sometimes there may be, but at other times you may be sent home early. This is okay. The employer will remember you for not wasting their time or their money and may ask for you by name when they have more work.
16. On the first day confirm how the employee will be processing your time card. Follow-up with your agency rep.
17. Turn your time card in on time or if the employee will be sending it in follow-up with your agency rep to confirm receipt.
18. Do not solicit employment. The employer and the temporary agency have a contract that specifies how and when you can be hired as a permanent employee if the opportunity arises. Respect that contract.
19. If a permanent hiring option discussion is initiated by the employer, communicate this and follow-up with your agency representative.
20. When an assignment ends always clearly communicate with the temp agency what your availability is for a new assignment and follow-up with them on a daily or weekly basis.

If you are a staffing/temporary agency or an employer who uses temp employees, what other suggestions do you have to be successful as a temporary employee?

As a temp employee did you find these suggestions helpful? Based on your experience what other suggestions would you add?

Based on the Bureau of Labor Statistics June 2010 report temporary help services continued to add jobs (+31,000), and employment has increased by 362,000 since reaching a low in September 2009. You can review this report at: http://www.bls.gov/web/empsit/ceshighlights.pdf

Over the years I’ve have had numerous temp jobs, several which turned into permanent positions.

Prior to the career in logistics I just left, some of the best paying jobs I ever had I found through temporary employment agencies.

I enjoyed temp work because of the variety and flexibility.

I was always a very conscientious employee and I was very rarely without an assignment unless it was my choice. There were many times when an employer would ask for me specifically based on my performance during a previous assignment. When I decided it was time to move on, especially if an assignment was long term and I was bored, the employer hated to see me go.

If you’ve never considered temporary employment it may be something to consider. I have listed some of the benefits of temping below and tomorrow I will discuss how to succeed as a temp.

Ten Benefits of Temporary Employment
1. To supplement a full-time job and help make ends meet.
2. To pay down debt.
3. To earn money to fund a special expense like a vacation, summer camp for your kids, a workshop you want to take, etc.
4. It’s a great way to research jobs and try them out.
5. The variety of experiences open to you and the people you meet are a wonderful resource for storytelling in both your fiction and nonfiction writing.
6. To gain experience, especially if you are new to the job market or returning to the job market after some time away.
7. Flexibility – you can take assignments that fit your needs and time availability.
8. Stop gap employment – temporary employment assignments can help fill in the gaps when you are between jobs. It can help keep you skills fresh and provide a little extra income.
9. It can pay for your hobbies and spare time or weekend activities.
10. It’s a great way to get out of the house for a few days, meet people and earn a little extra spending money.

Tomorrow I will talk about how to succeed as a temp so that you keep getting assignments and possibly be offered a permanent position if that is your goal in Temporary Employment Part Two – How to Succeed as a Temp Employee.

When I worked a full-time day job I had lots of time alone.

I spent sixty to ninety minutes a day alone in my car commuting to and from work. Time alone to listen to audio books and my own thoughts.

I had an office, not a cubicle and I spent most of my day working alone. Hours on end. It really was blissful.

Lunch times breaks were often visits to the bookstore.

On the way home in the evening if traffic was really heavy I would get off the highway and have a nice, quiet dinner alone, just me, a book and my journal.

Sometimes I’d stop at the bookstore or art store, just to wander around.

Now that I work from home, all of that free time and alone, at least most of it, is gone.

After four months I was beginning to feel like I was going crazy. Plus, I felt stale. My brain was feeling very dull and uncreative. I felt dull and uncreative. I was moody, depressed and just felt discombobulated.

This weekend I decided I just had to do something about it. For my own sanity and well-being I needed time alone.

I realized that if I am going to be successful working from home, that taking some time for myself is equally important as actually working. I have to learn to set boundaries and claim time for myself. I have to make scheduling some time alone daily and weekly a priority.

Then I remembered Julie Cameron’s artist dates.

“An Artist Date is a block of time, perhaps two hours weekly especially set aside and committed to nurturing your creative conscious, your inner artist. In its primary form, the artist date is an excursion, a play date that you preplan and defend against all interlopers. You do not take anyone on this artist date but you and your inner artist, a.k.a. your creative child.”

Right then and there I decided I was taking Monday all for myself.

And, I outlined a list of priorities and made a plan:

Minimum of four hours of uninterrupted time alone.
Travel time – at least 30 minutes or more in the car.
Beverage availability and clean restroom facilities were a must.
No laptop, internet, email, phone calls or text messaging.
Lots of light and places to sit, read and write.
And, it had to be peaceful, quiet.

Here is what I did…

I have to say, my artist date was an absolutely delightful day. I feel rejuvenated, re-energized and relaxed.

How do you spend your artist dates?

1. Dress for work.

Causal is okay, but no sweats or pj’s. You are a professional and this is a professional work environment.

2. Connect with others.

Take time everyday to engage with people on social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. Read and comment on other people’s blogs. Send and answer a few personal emails. Skype a friend. Arrange a lunch date. Yes, connecting with others takes time, time out of your day and time away from your work, but if you shared an office with other people how much time would you spend connecting? It’s just as important when you work out of your home office.

3. Work with a project or editorial calendar and a to-do list.

Knowing ahead of time what needs to be done on any given day provides structure. It helps you to dive right in and get started. It also can help signify the end of the work day. When today’s to-do list is complete, or all the “A” items are done you know the work day is over. You then have a choice, continue to work or call it a day.

4. No eating in the home office.

A cup of tea or coffee is fine, but no snacks. A home office is for working, not eating.

5. Take a break.

Have a snack or a meal while sitting down at the dining room or kitchen table. If the weather is pleasant, eat outside on the deck or picnic table. Use real silverware, plates and napkins. Treat yourself well. You deserve it.

6. Celebrate.

If you just finished a big project or received some good news reward yourself and celebrate. Take your spouse, kids or a friend to lunch. Send an email to all your friends. Tweet your celebration and invite others to celebrate with you.

7. Remember who’s the boss.

No one can tell you what to do or when to do it. That means you have to be the boss. You have to make the decisions and keep your commitments.

8. Working from a home office is about working.

Remind yourself, your family and friends, that when you are in your home office you are working. You are a professional. You have work to do. No one is going to do it for you. Even if your ‘office’ is a corner of a room, or the kitchen table for a few hours, respect the space and what it represents.

When I joined Derek Sivers email list last year he sent me a personal note.

“Wow!” I thought. “This is real!! And, way cool.”

I thought about what it meant to me to be contacted personally, not just with an autoresponder, by the man behind the blog/website.

I realized I wanted to do that. I wanted to connect with people and know more about them. I wanted my readers / subscribers to be more than just a faceless name in a database.

Today, I too, email all of my new subscribers. Sometimes it may not be right away, but I do contact them. And, if they have a blog or website and they share it with me, I check it out. If they are on Twitter and share their ID, I follow them and say hello.

It’s not a marketing ploy. It’s about connecting to people, getting to know them better and building a community.

I know how much it meant to me when Derek emailed me and if someone has taken the time to subscribe to my newsletter I want them to know that I appreciate it.

This morning Chris Guillebeau at The Art of Non-Conformity shared what commitment meant to him in the post Overnight Success, Year Three. What he wrote about resonated with me and reflects my own commitments to myself and my readers.

Ken Robert today also talked about commitment, about keeping promises to yourself at Mildly Creative in his post Gearing Up For Your Next Big Move – Realizations from My Relocation.

These two posts led me to think about my own my commitments and promises to myself, especially those related to The Dreaming Cafe. They were the catalyst for me to write this post.

Over the last few weeks I have been thinking of ways to reach more people, to grow The Dreaming Cafe. In addition to just personally emailing new newsletter subscribers and answering emails from readers, I wanted to commit to reaching my readers more consistently. I wanted people to know they could rely on me to be here for them to share stories and resources to help them on their creative journey to self discovery.

I know how I feel when I find a new blog and connect with what the writer has to say only to discover they post sporadically, only once or twice a week, or only once a month. I feel frustrated and disappointed.

I don’t want people to feel that way when they visit The Dreaming Cafe. I want them to know that I will be here, consistently, just about every day. To make this happen I set the goal of having 500 blog posts by December 31, 2010. This means writing and posting five to six times per week for the rest of the year.

Keeping my promises to myself and to my readers is extremely important. It’s a matter of honor and self respect and about respecting those who have joined The Dreaming Cafe community.

So, here is my commitment to you, the reader:

Weekly newsletter – emailed every Sunday, 5am EST – Personal stories, recommendations and resources written especially for those on the creative journey to self discovery.

Follow all new subscribers on Twitter. (Don’t forget to tell me who you are.)

Friend all new subscribers on Facebook. (Again, don’t forget to tell me who you are.)

Personally email all new subscribers and find out more about them and how I, and The Dreaming Cafe, can help them.

500 blog posts by December 31, 2010 – Sharing stories, videos, tips, resources, book reviews, interviews, and anything else related to the creative journey to self discovery.

(This article was originally published in The Dreaming Cafe newsletter, Issue No. 51 Sunday, January 3, 2010.

Five Ways You Can Make a Difference

1. Smile – No matter how you feel, or what is going on, smile. Smile when someone holds the door open for you; greet your children with a smile when they come home from school; smile when the dog pees on the floor; smile when you are standing in the checkout lane at the grocery store; smile while you are brushing your teeth; smile whenever you realize you’re not. You will be amazed at the power of a simple smile.

2. Listen – When someone speaks to you decide to really listen. Don’t think about a story you want to share that relates to what they are talking about, don’t think about what you want to talk about, and don’t drift off. Really listen, repeat back what they’ve said in the form of a question to make sure you heard them correctly, or ask a question that invites them to tell you more. Do this with your children, your spouse, a co-worker, a friend and a stranger and discover how listening makes another person feel important and special, and how it makes you feel.

3. Touch – As social beings we all crave the touch of another human being. All living creatures do. Children who are not held or touched during the first few months of their lives often fail to thrive and may die or grow up severely emotionally and psychologically handicapped. Don’t invade a person’s personal space or touch someone with any form of aggression. A touch should be quick, soft, and barely noticeable, like a gentle breeze. Don’t force it. It should be natural. Try gently touching your child’s head while beading over to see what he/she is drawing for you; reach out to hold your spouses hand while watching a movie together; touch a friends shoulder or arm while speaking; hug your Mom, your Dad, your brother, your sister. The lasting effect of a gentle hug, or touch, can feel like magic.

4. Share – Tell someone, your spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend or co-worker how much having them in your life means to you. Share with them the goodness you see in them; share how much they bring to the world just by being themselves; think of five positive things you can say about the person and share your list with them. Share by telling them verbally or in writing. The mere act of thinking of the other person in a positive way will create a shift inside your own heart and when you share how you feel with the other person, lovingly, honestly and authentically, you may be amazed at the positive shift in your relationship as a whole.

5. Be Kind - We have heard about the power of ‘random acts of kindness’, but how many of us actually practice kindness on a daily basis? Hold the door for someone; let the car racing up next to you merge in front of you; pick up your neighbors trash cans; stop to help if you see someone in distress; do something without the thought of being paid back; make a fresh pot of coffee for your coworkers. Let go of petty grievances. Accept that we are all human, we all make mistakes, we all act without thinking sometimes and that we all have ‘troubles’. Be kind and accepting of one another. Don’t judge. They are so many ways we can be kind towards one another even if it is just smiling, listening, sharing, and touching. Be kind toward yourself first, then allow your kindness to overflow to all those around you.

These are not earth shattering, splashy, ‘let’s save the world’ ways to make a difference. But, if we all adopted just one of these strategies and made it a part of our daily lives imagine what an impact it would have in our homes, our workplaces, our communities and the world.

You can make a difference. The difference starts with you. It starts inside of you. It starts small, like a raindrop, but builds and flows outward like a tidal wave.