When I first decided to take a break from blogging I thought I’d be gone about a month, maybe longer.

I was took a break for two reasons.

First, there was a lot of outside demands on my time and I was feeling dragged down, like I had nothing left to give.

Secondly, I was feeling the need to write posts of ‘value’ – posts that would build my business, get good Google rankings, be re-Tweeted and attract more readers, subscribers and followers. I felt the growing need to take it up a notch, target my posts and become ‘problogger’.

I felt like what I had been writing wasn’t professional enough.

I began to dread writing. I had writer’s block. I was confused. I didn’t know what to write about. And, I had limited time and energy to write.

I decided to take a break and re-focus my energy, decide where I was going and where I wanted to take The Dreaming Cafe.

All this did was put more pressure on myself and for the first week or so I didn’t do anything at all. I just went through the motions, doing what I had to do to get by.

Then over the last ten days I started moving. I started doing the things that had always helped me in the past when I felt stuck or confused.

I dove headfirst into a new project that pushed me to learn, I went to a writing conference, I hung out with interesting and fun people and I started to read and journal again.

I also re-read some of my journal entries from earlier in the year and this particular line gave me great comfort…

“I am sensing that 2010 is a year of change and flux, highs and lows, all while growing into my vision.”

I felt better. I felt more like me. And, I missed writing.

So, I’m back.

I also learned a few things…

• Take things one day at a time and go with the flow – regardless of whether it’s up or down.
• Write for no other reason than I love to and share my writing for no other reason than I am called to.
• Stay true to my values and vision and don’t fall prey to the latest buzz or conventional thinking.
• I am a professional, I just define professional in my own way.

I’m passionate about learning and teaching. I love asking questions and finding the answers. And, I just don’t get people who stop reading and learning the day they graduate high school (or soon before or soon after).

I just don’t understand people who want to find a new job, change careers, start their own business, have dreams and goals, want to get out of debt, buy a new home, learn to paint, or whatever, but refuse to invest in themselves and learn something new by buying a book, attending a seminar or conference or taking a class.

I just don’t get it.

If you HATE your job (blue collar, white collar, purple collar, it makes no matter), if you LOVE your job (blue collar, white collar, purple collar, it makes no matter), if you are self-employed (or want to be), f you are retired (want to be, or soon will be), if you want to stay young, if you want to live an unconventional life and experience all that life has to offer, investing in yourself and lifelong learning is not an option, it’s mandatory.

Investing in yourself and lifelong learning…

Should never stop.

Is one of the things that makes life more interesting.

Keeps your brain active and slows the aging process.

Opens doors to new opportunities.

Supports your independence and your ability to take care of yourself.

Teaches you how to find answers and solve problems.

Is a gift to yourself that just keeps giving.

Allows you to explore new career opportunities.

Helps you update old skills and learn new ones.

Is a bridge to meeting new people and creating new relationships and friendships.

Provides and opportunity to learn more about something you’ve always loved.

It allows you to keep learning more.

It will immerse you in your industry or hobby.

Allows you to stay on top of industry trends.

Is a great way to hang out with old friends.

It’s just plain fun.

And, don’t say you can’t afford it.

You can borrow books from the library for free. You can log onto the internet and tap into millions of pages of free information in the form of blogs, newspaper and magazine articles and ebooks. You can register for free online and offline workshops and seminars.

Go for the free stuff by all means, but we all know when you pay for something it means more. Start slow. Set a portion of your income aside for lifelong learning and make it a priority. Invest in yourself and lifelong learning. Take the time, make the effort.

When it comes to investing in yourself and lifelong learning you really can’t afford not to do it.

Related Posts: Investing in Yourself – A Personal Lifelong Learning Investment Portfolio

This past week I tucked another new experience into my memory banks – Sedona, Arizona.

I attended the “Inspired Livelihood” workshop with Barbara Winter, Terri Belford and Alice Barry.

It is difficult to describe exactly what went on before I left for my trip and what happened while in Sedona.

First, I don’t consider myself an adventurer. I’d much rather sit at my desk with my computer and a few books than pack my bags, leave my family, drive, fly, drive some more, search for places that can accommodate my dietary restrictions, suffer untold allergies and insomnia all while putting myself in new environments to meet new people.

Second, I don’t consider myself an outdoors person. I love nature, but prefer to experience it from a climate controlled environment.

Just because I don’t consider myself an adventurer or an outdoors person doesn’t mean I avoid either experience.

By consistently stepping outside my comfort zone, going places and doing things I don’t consider natural for me helps me grow.

If I hadn’t decided to go on an adventure…

I would have missed meeting some amazing people and forging new friendships.

I would have never seen the famous Sedona red rocks and realized that there is a whole lot of green in those rocks. (Lots of vegetation.)

I would never of had the experience of sitting on a mountaintop with my sketch book and oil pastels to create my own memories of what the red rocks looked like.

I would have never connected with people I knew previously on a whole new, deeper level or realized how much we have in common.

I would have never eaten some of the most delicious meals I have ever had.

I wouldn’t have realized that there are certain times in our lives when our dreams and goals need to be pursued at a much slower pace than we would prefer.

I would have never realized that I am no longer the shy, socially unskilled person I was years ago and that I can move and adapt to a variety of situations and people…and enjoy the experience.

I would have never had the personal insights of who I am, or reached the level of acceptance for who I have become.

Life is an adventure and we can choose to live it based who we think we are or who we want to become.

For me, I think I want to keep exploring.

Earlier this year I set a goal of writing my 500th blog post by December 31, 2010.

I set this goal for a few reasons:

I reasoned that more blog posts would equal more site traffic when the search engines picked up on my ‘frequently updated content’.

and

I thought that by setting this goal I would write more. I would be more disciplined.

Today, four months into the new year I am scrapping this goal because…

It was getting in the way of meeting my real goal of writing to inform, inspire and empower, not just to meet a quota and generate site traffic.

and

It was getting in the way of my goal to write more and to be more because the time I spent trying to create six to seven blog posts a week was taking me away from working on my other writing projects, projects that are helping me reach bigger goals and dreams.

Part of me argued, “You are just giving up because it’s too hard. You’re just lazy.”

Another part of me, the part that has grown stronger over the last few months, the part of me that really knows me countered, quite loudly, “Hooray! You are finally beginning to listen to yourself. You know what your big dreams and goals are and recognize this mini-goal wasn’t helping you get there. Just keep listening and following your heart.”

Goals are suppose to help us, but when they starting getting in the way of our big dreams and goals, it’s okay to sit back, reevaluate and let them go if need be.

What Motivates You?
(This article was first published in The Dreaming Cafe’s weekly newsletter, Issue 50, December 27, 2009)

As you continue to clarify your own goals and vision ask yourself “what motivates me?”

Is it money? Love? Fame? Love for your family? The need to belong? The need to be right? The need to accomplish something, to solve problems? To make a difference? To be the best? Guilt?

You can have more than one motivation and depending on your goals, different motivations for different goals.

For example, if one of your goals is to live a healthy, fit lifestyle and lose weight, maybe your motivation is to avoid a heart attack or diabetes, but it may also be looking hot in a bathing suit.

Sometimes identifying our motivations is difficult.

It took me a long time to realize some of the primary motivations that allowed me to successfully complete a project, or reach a goal or dream.

What motivates me?

Primary motivations – the ‘must haves’ to keep me going

1.       Having a real problem to solve. Games don’t interest me. The problems in a game aren’t real to me. It’s not about winning; it’s about finding an answer, an answer to a tangible, real world problem.

2.      Consequences. There has to be a consequence for failing to attain my goal.

3.      Deadlines. If there is no set day and time to complete a task, then it usually will just keep falling to the bottom of my to-do list.

4.      Having an opportunity to learn. Learning new things, no matter how small, help keep me motivated.

Secondary motivations – background ‘noise’ that keeps me going

1.       Being a role model for my nieces and nephews.

2.      Making a difference and helping others succeed

Let me use this newsletter as an example of how my motivations play out.

Primary motivations -


1.       The problem I am trying to solve is ‘how to help others’. This newsletter is also real. It is not being written as a sample. Real people are going to read it.

2.      I have made the commitment to writing and publishing a weekly newsletter.  The consequence of not meeting this commitment is a loss of personal credibility. (Credibility, doing what I say I am going to do, is important to me. Knowing this is important, too.)

3.      My deadline for this newsletter is 5am, every Sunday. Without this deadline I might never get around to actually writing it.

4.      I am always learning while I am writing. It can be the subject matter, or the formatting of the newsletter itself.

Secondary motivations -

1.       This newsletter is one of the primary bricks in the foundation of my dream of writing and working for myself. By following my dreams, and living them, I hope to serve as role model for my nieces and nephews. I want them to see that following their own dreams is not only possible, but is something they should do.

2.      Writing this newsletter allows me to help others. I have an opportunity to write and share what I’ve learned and inspire others to begin moving toward their own dreams. I also have an opportunity to share resources and information that helps educate and equip people with the tools they need to make their own dreams come true.

This is just one example of what motivates me and how that motivation plays out in my life.

As I said earlier, you may have different motivations for different goals.  Eating a vegetarian diet is another one of my ongoing goals, but with different motivations. I don’t eat meat or eggs at all, and avoid dairy products most of the time. My primary motivation is to avoid participating in the pain and suffering of factory farming. My secondary motivation is my health, since I believe this is a healthier lifestyle.

In both examples, I have learned what motivates me.

I am reviewing my projects and goals and asking:  “Why is this goal important?” “What motivates me?” “How is my motivation going to play out?” “Am I motivated enough?” “What is this the real motivation behind this goal?”

This process isn’t easy and asks me to dig a little deeper. But, I have learned that I have to know what motivates me to increase the chances of my success. 

How about you? What motivates you? Have you considered what motivates you and how it plays out in your life?

Leave a reply. I’d love to hear from you.

If you liked this article why not subscribe today? The Dreaming Cafe’s newsletter is delivered to your Inbox every Sunday morning. When you subscribe your information will never be shared or sold.

I have been feeling very unsettled lately. I haven’t been sleeping. I’m restless. Irritable. Fidgety.

And, it’s odd because over the last few weeks while working on ideas to redesign the Dreaming Café website I have become much clearer and focused in my self-employed life.

The Dreaming Café’s new tagline “where self-discovery, self-expression and self-employment come together” reflects more clearly what I want to do and what I want to contribute.

Many of the things I imagined doing last year became real this past month. Under the Dreaming Café’s umbrella I taught a workshop, wrote an informative, helpful ebook and taught a teleclass. I opened my business checking account and designed my new business cards. And, I have several new and exciting projects I am working on for the coming months.

Business feels good. The Dreaming Café feels good. I’m happy and content here. I love the people and the atmosphere. I feel focused and excited.

But, life isn’t just our work or our vocation. It’s so much more.

And, it’s the ‘so much’ more that has me feeling very unsettled.

Reading recent posts at Blisschick, Divine Cowgirl Chronicles, Fumbling for Words, Dirty Footprints Studio and Creative Juices Arts feel like little pin pricks on my skin, in my heart and on my soul. I hear a whisper that repeats ‘wake up, wake up’.

I’m not sure if I want to wake up. I’m comfortable right now.

I feel like stomping my feet and crying, Why? Haven’t I done enough work these last few years? Haven’t I cried and hurt and healed? Haven’t I done ‘the work’?

Part of me knows that to live an authentic life, ‘the work’ is never done.

The other part wants to stomp my feet and say NO, I’ve had enough, just like a little kid.

I hate being told what to do, even if it is me telling me what to do.

I am telling myself that I need to move. I need to get out of my head and into my body. I need to experience my body from the inside out. I need to move and stretch and to see and feel my muscles again.

I am telling myself that the person I always thought I was, the left-brained, logical, sensible, down to earth person I have lived as, isn’t really me. And, that when I the word ‘artist’ mysteriously popped into my Twitter bio over a year ago it came from a very deep place within me. I left it there, because it felt right, but little did I know the consequences.

I abandoned my daily meditation practice last year right around the same time my Mom became ill.

My meditation practice gave me a sense of peace and stability, but after two years it was beginning to take me places I didn’t think I would have the time and energy to explore. Plus, it felt selfish to take care of myself, to focus on me, when other people needed me more.

But, the whisper ‘wake up, wake up’ won’t go away. I am beginning to realize…

I need to slow down and breathe again.

I need to embrace the ‘artist’ within me. The one I pushed down and buried years ago and allow her to emerge, to experiment and to play.

I need to move. I need to stretch. I need to sweat. I need to feel my physical strength once more. I need to move out of my head and into my body and realize they are one.

I need to accept that I am 44, not 24 and realize that it is okay, but to also stop acting and feeling like I am 84.

These are the things I tell myself I need to do.

Everyday the whisper ‘wake up, wake up’ buzzes in my ear.

I was afraid to write about this because I knew once I acknowledged where my restlessness, unsettledness and discomfort was coming from, I would have to do something about it.

Today is the first step. Acknowledgment.

The buzzing just got louder.

Are you doing what you love?

When I ask that question to you and to me, I am not talking about doing what you love for a living, but, are you doing what you love on a daily basis?

The two things I love to do more than anything else is to read and to write.

Over the last few months I forgot that.

I forgot what it was like to write just for me.

I forgot what it was like to indulge in a whole day of doing nothing but reading and writing.

I haven’t ever really stopped reading and writing, but since I left my day job to work for myself, I always feel guilty even when taking an hour here or there to indulge my loves.

My to-do list is a mile long. I have to-do lists for the household, for things I need to do for my family and, of course, my business to-do list is the longest.

But, I realized this weekend, that no matter how much I do, no matter how many hours I work or devote to my business, to building my dreams, I will always have a to-do list.

To-do lists are always changing, but they are never complete.

So, this weekend I asked myself “What do I love to do?”

The answer, “Read and write.”

I acknowledged my need to indulge in the things I love to do, without feeling guilty about all the things I’m not doing because in the end, doing the things I love to do makes me happier and more productive when I do return to my to-do list.

So, I re-read one of my favorite, inspirational books, “This Time I Dance” by Tama Kieves. I kept my journal by my side and I wrote in it on and off all day. And, I even art-journaled.

Come Monday morning my to-do list was still there ready and waiting and I was ready and willing.

What do you love to do?

Paint? Draw? Cook? Sew? Build things? Refinish furniture? Watch movies? Play Legos?

How often do you put everything else aside, just for a little while, and indulge in the things you love to do, without feeling guilty?

I am always curious about what you think. Why not leave a reply?

Yesterday I wrote about moving from the unknowing and exploring stage to the knowing and expanding stage of building and living my dream.

I recognized all the things I had in my life and I am very grateful for the life I lead today.

But, as I continue to grow and to learn, I asked myself, “What would make my life better today?”

Reflecting on that question and journaling the answers this is what I came up with:

Finances – to begin earning significant income from my business projects to support me, my husband and my Mom without tapping my savings.

Spirituality – to deepen my spiritual practice, commit to a daily meditation practice, and connect to the Divine on a daily basis.

Physical self – to lose weight; be lean, fit and healthy; to move with ease; to make movement and exercise a daily part of my life; to eat ‘clean’ more consistently.

Inside living space – clean out the clutter – closets, rooms, attic, basement; finish remodeling the living room and kitchen – open them up, brighten them and keep ‘stuff’ to a minimum.

Outside space– create a landscaped oasis in the backyard and around the whole house – running water, birds, butterflies, a fire pit, benches and a place to write, read and paint.

Doing this exercise I realized it is all possible. It won’t happen overnight, but each item is possible.

Writing my original, ideal life essay in 2007 and committing to taking the tiny little baby steps each day to move towards what I wanted has changed my life dramatically.

I am happier and more fulfilled today than I have ever been.

This is not to say that it is easy, because a lot of times it isn’t, or that I don’t have down days, because I do. But, I will take the easy and the hard, the ups and the downs, to live a life of my dreams…and, I am!

Journaling for Self-Discovery Workshop
If you’d like to experience the benefits of journaling, join me for “Journaling for Self-Discovery. This a four-week interactive online course where I will share with you some of my favorite and most effective journaling exercises. This will be the last journaling class until next fall. To find out more and to register go to:
http://thedreamingcafe.eventbrite.com/

The other day while journaling I asked myself, “If money was not an issue, and I had all I needed and wanted, I would…”

When writing out my answers I was surprised at how closely my life today resembles the life essay I wrote in 2007.

When I wrote my ideal life essay I could in no way imagine any of it coming true. But, I wrote from heart and let the words flow. I let my dreams out of the dusty, cramped cave I hidden them away in for years and let them fly.

I wrote about where I lived, what I did, the people I hung out with, what I ate. I described a typical day from the way it looked, to the way it smelled, to the way I felt. I put as much detail as my imagination could muster into that essay and it ended up being over seven pages long.

Today, I am surprised by how much of it has come true. Not so much in the big picture details, but in the smaller details, and more importantly, how I feel.

I realized that in a lot of ways I am living my dream, my ideal life.

I have a beautiful home office that is all my own.

I’ve launched my own business, even made some money, and am on my way to living my self-employed dreams.

I connect with and spend time with my family and friends on a regular basis.

I am learning new things almost daily.

I am embracing my creativity on a daily basis.

I write and teach.

I travel.

I have time to relax and to read, sometimes for hours on end.

I feel peaceful, happy and fulfilled.

My journaling experience helped me recognize that I have what I need and want to some degree or another, and that I know what I want.

I’ve moved from unknowing and exploring to knowing and expanding. I am expanding my vision and building on the foundation I have built so far.

It all started because I gave myself permission to dream.

Journaling for Self-Discovery Workshop
If you’d like to experience the benefits of journaling, join me for “Journaling for Self-Discovery. This a four-week interactive online course where I will share with you some of my favorite and most effective journaling exercises. This will be the last journaling class until next fall. To find out more and to register go to: http://thedreamingcafe.eventbrite.com/

Sometimes you just have to trust yourself and go with what your own heart says.

Asking for other people’s opinions can be dangerous to your well being, especially in the early stages of building your dreams.

If you are going to solicit other people’s opinions, don’t just ask anybody, friends, coworkers, family members. Be very selective. Ask people who understand or at least support what you are doing.

I learned this lesson the hard way a few weeks ago. I was having a great day. I was productive, happy, ideas were flowing like water and I was in the flow. It was magical.

Then I had a new idea, but I wasn’t sure if it was cool, catchy, worth my time. So, instead of just letting the idea sit for awhile and settle into my being I reached out and started asking what other people thought. And, I wasn’t very selective about who I asked. I asked everyone.

Bad idea.

The responses ranged from good, to bad, to ugly.

By that evening, the magic of the day had fallen away. The flow had stopped and I was stuck on a mud bank. I fell into a self-pitying, depressed, woe-is-me, mindset. A place I hate to be.

I wallowed for a bit. Then decided I had to shake it off. Easier said than done. I read, I wrote, I went to bed and when I woke up I had a cup of tea and I breathed.

Then I made a list of reminders for myself about asking for other people’s opinions.

Be very selective about asking for other people’s opinions.

Some people just like to play devils advocate for fun, not realizing how much it can damage a fragile, new idea, or hurt my feelings.

Some people are so afraid that they have no other possible way to provide feedback other than from a fear based standpoint. It’s about them, not me, but it can still hurt.

Some people just naturally operate from the dark side and have no idea how to give positive feedback. Their opinions are always dark, negative and fearful.

Many of my family and friends never understood me in the past, how could they start now? Again, it’s about them, not me

Not everyone in my circle of family, friends, acquaintances, or Tribe is qualified to give an opinion on what I put out there.

And, not everyone, even the people I carefully select, may not have the time, energy or feel qualified to give me an opinion. It’s about them, not me.

New ideas are fragile and need time to mature before being subjected to the elements.

Never ask for other people’s opinions when I am feeling stressed, overwhelmed or vulnerable.

Never let someone else’s opinion matter more than my own.

The purpose of asking for an outside opinion is to help me play with an idea and to look at it in a new way, not to squash it.

I have the final say whether an idea is good, bad, or ugly.

The most important lesson learned is to always be selective when asking for other people’s opinions.

And, one more thing, please remember, this is just my opinion. (wink) Want to share yours? Leave a reply.