I Thought I Had It All Figured Out

Last November I made a choice.

Up until that moment I was dividing most of my time between working long hours and building my own business slowly on the side, in my spare time. This did not leave a lot of time for other activities, including family.

Then a family crisis occurred and I found myself being pulled in too many directions with too many demands.

My day job had become extremely stressful and toxic and I couldn’t continue to build my business on the side while working a full-time, demanding day job that included a 45-60 minute commute each way and have time for my family.

In the end I couldn’t bring myself to give up my dream of working for myself, so I made the choice to quit my day job and devote my time to my family and to my own business.

I thought I had it all figured out.

I would be working full-time from home with no outside job to distract me. Plus, I would have almost two hours extra a day to work on my own business, hours I used to spend sitting in traffic.

My fall, online classes were full and I had new ideas for new products and services just waiting until I had time to devote to them.

I had started reducing my expenses and had put away money to support me while I got my business off the ground.

Like I said, I thought I had it all figured out.

But, there were a whole lot of things I hadn’t figured out, things I didn’t expect.

I didn’t expect…

That I would miss the challenge of the work I used to do.

That I’d find myself so tired and so exhausted in the beginning that some days I could hardly get out of bed.

The number of hours, days and months it would take to shake the toxicity of the work environment I had left behind or to let go of the attitudes and beliefs I had adopted over the years to protect myself.

That I would miss my ex coworkers.

That I would feel alone and isolated.

That I would suddenly have to face my own surprising health issues and be completely caught off guard by the onset of perimenopause.

That my website would be hacked four times in six weeks.

That I would have to rebuild my website from scratch and that I would lose all of the web traffic and search engine rankings I had gained, essentially having to start over.

That my three year old laptop and internet aircard would need to be replaced before I even hit my one year anniversary of my new self-employed life.

That my business would grow so slowly.

That I would have days where I would lie awake at night wondering how I would pay my bills.

That the business I started with isn’t the business I am envisioning today.

That I would have days when time seemed to stand still and I would be in the flow for hours, feeling as if everything was right in the world.

That I would feel so blessed and grateful that I was in a position to make the choice I did and have the time to spend with my family.

Today, almost ten months later, I am still adjusting to all the things I didn’t expect, all the things I thought I had figured out.