Sometimes the path to self-discovery shows us things we might not like about ourselves.
I’ve recently discovered something about myself that I am no particularly pleased with. I’ve probably known it for a long time, but never wanted to admit it or acknowledge it. It makes me cringe just thinking it, to even contemplate admitting it, but, here goes…
I’m lazy.
Deep breathe. Sigh. It’s done. I’ve said it.
Don’t they say that the first step is just to admit you have a problem?
I’m lazy.
Nope. Admitting it again didn’t make me feel any better.
It’s embarrassing really how easily I can fritter away the hours doing absolutely nothing while looking busier than chipmunk.
Last night I had a million and one brilliant ideas for blog posts, articles, workshops, books, events, art journaling, a video book review, and even an online tutorial for mind mapping.
This morning, blah. Nothing. No energy. No enthusiasm. No activity.
I might as well be wearing cement boots. I just can’t seem to get started. The lazy gene has been activated with a nuclear reactor and I sit here staring into space. (Well, I am writing this post, but that’s not counting for much today.)
Today is an anniversary of sorts and I think that is one reason I am out of sorts. Today marks 90-days since I walked out of the door and left my corporate job behind. 90-days. Twelve weeks. Three months. No matter how I look at it, it just seems like time draining away as my lazy butt sits around and looks out the window.
I can be quite productive when I want to be. And, I’ve had a few whirlwinds the last few months, but today isn’t one of them.
Maybe I’m not lazy. Maybe I am just beating myself up for not being as productive as I thought I’d be over the past 90-days.
Either way, I feel better now. You know my little secret. But, promise me something? Let’s just keep it between you and me. Okay? Thanks.
I’ll be back tomorrow and maybe, just maybe, I might finish that video book review.
took a long time to get where you are. trust the journey. trust yourself.
can’t even begin to imagine you labeling someone else who found themselves in your situation as useless, worthless, even for a moment.
if we drain a well completely dry, then dig down another 600ft and drain it dry again…can we blame the well for not having fresh water for us the next day, week, month, year?
keep being who you need to be. doing what you need to do. try not judging?
Sandy! NO! You are NOT lazy! For goodness sake, everyone has down days…even down weeks.
This seems like a natural dip to me after your trip and after the explosion of ideas you got from that.
I think it happens after times of quick growth, because we don’t quite know what to do with all of it and then need some time to let it settle.
Also I think it takes a tremendous amount of time to learn our own rhythms. We are so used to living by other people’s definitions of time — from the age of six and on! Think about that — how many years you’ve been told what to do and when to do it and for how long?
That’s a lot reprogramming!!