Have you ever fallen into the all or nothing trap?
It goes something like this:
The Marathon Runner:
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All: I am going run a marathon in October (it’s now July) even though it’s been twenty years since I even ran around the block.
Nothing: I was winded after a few feet. I’m not a natural runner. I’ll just sit on the couch and watch another Seinfeld rerun or hang out at the bar after work.
The Six-Figure Man:
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All: I am starting my own business and plan to make six-figures the first year even though I have no products, no marketing plan, no customers and no experience.
Nothing: I only made $2.67 my first three months. I quit.
Debt Free:
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All: I am going to pay off all my credit card debt in the next twelve months even though I owe ten’s of thousands of dollars and I will have no money left over to pay the rent.
Nothing: Why bother? Everyone has debt, it’s natural. The new store at the mall is offering a 15% discount and twelve-months of no interest if you open a new store charge account and spend $500 or more. Let’s go get a new TV.
The Supermodel:
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All: I am going to lose 50lbs over the next three months, even though it has taken me ten years to gain the weight.
Nothing: I only lost two pounds this week. I drank gallons of water, and ate tons of lettuce and I only lost two pounds. Why bother? I’m naturally big-boned. It’s genetics. I’m having a double chocolate sundae with a REAL Coke.
Internet Marketing Millionaire:
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All: I am want a professionally designed website, hosted on its’ own server with its’ own e-commerce shopping cart, even though it will mean thousands of dollars of debt and I have no customer base, no content, no products and think SEO is a fancy acronym for the owner of a company.
Nothing: If I can’t have all the bells and whistles, why bother? You need the biggest and the best to succeed.
The Musical Prodigy:
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All: I am learning to play the piano and expect to be cranking out rock n’ roll classics in a few weeks even though I’ve never played an instrument before and I can’t read music.
Nothing: If I can’t play like Ray Charles tomorrow, I don’t want to play.
The Blockbuster Author:
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All: I want to write a book and land a six-figure publishing contract, even though the last thing I wrote was my senior term paper twenty plus years ago.
Nothing: I’ll wait until I have something really great to say before I start writing.
Seminar Guru:
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All: I am organizing my first seminar and need at least a hundred people to show up to make any money, even though I’ve never organized a seminar before or even talked to a crowd of more than ten people.
Nothing: Only two people signed up for my seminar. It’s not worth it. It wasn’t meant to be. I quit.
The ‘all’ is the BIG goal, the BIG dream, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the something for nothing mentality. We know the truth, but ignore it. We set ourselves up for failure thinking this time will be different, or believing in some miracle infomercial claim that we will be the one that succeeds despite the odds.
The ‘nothing’ is the excuse, the mental rationalization game we play with ourselves when we don’t hit the ‘all’ lottery.
For some of us this ‘all or nothing’ thinking pattern has been with us most of our lives and it’s a hard habit to break. Finding and accepting the ‘in-between, balanced’ approach is a lot harder, especially if you have had a lifetime of swinging from one extreme to another.
What does it this ‘in-between, balanced’ life look like:
The Marathon Runner:
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In-between approach: I’ll start out with a walk/run training program and set the goal of running a 5K in six to nine months.
The Six-Figure Man:
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In-between approach: I realize that it could take several years to reach a six-figure income working for myself and that it takes time to build a customer base, experience and develop a marketing plan that works. I may need to keep my day job for a few years while I build my business on the side.
Debt Free:
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In-between approach: I realize that getting out of debt means not spending money I don’t have and that it could take years of dedicated effort to pay everything off. Peace of mind is more important than a new TV.
The Supermodel:
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In-between approach: I accept that a healthy weight loss of one to two pounds per week will take six to twelve months and that I am not changing my diet temporarily I am learning to eat a new way for a lifetime. It took ten years to gain all this weight, I can’t expect to lose it overnight.
Internet Marketing Millionaire:
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In-between approach: I can have a great looking five-page website for less than $100 per year to get me started while I learn all the things I need to know, including all the free tools that are out there to help me build my business.
The Musical Prodigy:
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In-between approach: I’ll enjoy the process of learning, practice every day and accept the fact that even Ray Charles had to learn how to play and practice before he was THE Ray Charles.
The Blockbuster Author:
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In-between approach: I’ll write everyday, whether I feel like it or not, and whether I have anything to say or not. I’ll just begin and see where it goes.
Seminar Guru:
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In-between approach: I’ll volunteer to teach my seminar to my church group and get their feedback. I can reserve a meeting room at the library and hold my next event for one to ten paying students.
The ‘in-between, balanced’ lifestyle isn’t a roller coaster ride of anticipation followed by adrenaline rushing excitement. It is a slow, meandering, relaxed way to life. It is like taking a train ride across country. In time you grow used to the gentle rocking of the train and no longer crave the rush of the roller coaster, the ‘all or nothing’ lifestyle.
The ‘in-between, balanced’ lifestyle can lead to a healthier, wealthier, more fulfilling life.
It’s not easy. I still struggle with it. I have found that if I write it down – the ‘all’ and the ‘nothing’ – and then look for the smallest, in-between step I can take, I feel calmer, more relaxed, and more focused. Taking this approach I have accomplished more goals and in shorter periods of time than I ever thought possible.
What about you? What are your all or nothing habits? When was the last time you experienced this type of thinking? What did you do? Are you willing to give the in-between, balanced way of life a chance?
(Originally published in The Dreaming Cafe newsletter, Issue No. 25, Sunday, July 5, 2009. If you enjoyed this article you can subscribe HERE)
