When I had a full-time job I worked on The Dreaming Café in the morning, 3am or 4am to 6am. Then I’d get ready for work and be out the door by 7am. I would work all day, fight traffic on the way home, and relax for an hour or so before diving back in again and working until 10pm or so. And, of course most weekends were devoted to writing and building The Dreaming Café, too.
My main priorities were learning, writing and building a community. Learning was fun. Writing was easy. Building a community and connecting with people was a little harder, but I did it (and I am still doing it).
In the past, no matter how many hours I worked I always had enough time and energy leftover to devote to The Dreaming Café.
The first few weeks after I resigned from my job were a whirlwind of activity and I felt more like I was on vacation than self-employed. This is mainly because I spent every vacation day this past year ‘pretending’ to be self-employed and devoting my time to The Dreaming Cafe. The first few weeks without a job weren’t any different than most of my time off the previous nine months.
During this time my ‘to-do’ list grew bigger every day with all the things I needed to do and all the things I wanted to do.
I never even thought to slow down, not even when I slipped and fell a week after I left my job and almost broke my ankle. I just propped it up on the couch with ice and surrounded myself with notebooks, pens, my laptop, cell phone, iPod and books and kept right on moving.
Now, that adrenaline rush is gone. Over the last week something has shifted and I’ve lost my drive and my balance. I’m tired all the time and I can barely get up in the morning. As soon as the sun sets, I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Part of me is screaming, “Get up, keep moving. You can’t afford to rest. You don’t have a job, remember! You quit!! Now you have to make it own your own. Being self-employed is a 24-hour, 7-day a week job. Get moving.”
That voice leaves me shaking in my boots and does nothing to help me. More often than not I freeze up like a deer caught in the headlights.
If I am quiet, I hear another voice that says, “Slow down. Rest. You need it. You planned for this. You’ve saved for this. Just keep doing what you were doing before, but take some of the hours you would have normally worked your day job and catch up on your reading, write for fun, paint, explore new ideas, meet new people and take a nap if you need to.”
It’s hard to listen to that second voice. But, I resigned from my job to accomplish two things – to build a dream and to spend time with my family.
To do both I need to first give myself permission to slow down and to rest. I need time to decompress after twelve years of climbing the corporate ladder and trying to do it all.
I haven’t quite figured out how to do this yet. You would think it would be easy, but it isn’t.
It’s not easy because, it’s not just about slowing down, it’s about letting go of old beliefs and patterns of behavior. It’s about creating a brand new life from scratch and starting over. It’s about becoming the person I’ve always dreamed I could be and about reaching for a star everyone always told me was too far out of reach.
Knowing all of this still doesn’t make it any easier to accept.
Just writing about giving myself permission to slow down and rest has that loud voice screaming in my ear, “Are you crazy?? Don’t you know how much you have to get done before the end of the year!! People are going to think you are a slacker. You’ll never succeed if you slow down!”
Like I said, old beliefs die hard.
So, I am going to take it day by day. I’ll let you know how it works out.
Sandy,
Although you see yourself as the person you were, and the person you are becoming, to those of us who met you through The Dreaming Cafe, you are The Dreaming Cafe. We know no other person. I’ve attached a quote I read often. With your courage to open The Dreaming Cafe you will never have to say this.
_______________________
We were looking at the way human beings find it necessary
to sacrifice their own sacred desires and personal visions
on the alter of work and success.
Out of this a woman wrote the following lines.
She read then slowly from the back of the room,
unaware how stricken we all were by the silence she created.
Ten years ago …
I turned my face for a moment
and it became my life.
We have patience for everything but what is most important to us.
We look at the life of our own most central imaginings and see it beckon.
For the most part, we have not the courage to follow it,
but we do not have the courage to leave it.
We turn our face for a moment
and tell ourselves we will be sure to get back to it.
When we look again, ten years have passed and
we wonder what in God’s name happened to us.
David Whyte
The Heart Arroused
_____________________________________________________________
Your follower and friend,
Sidney
Slowing down our pace and resting when our body tells us to do so are crucial in importance in order us to be able to focus better and be “fresh” in our ideas and approach to life and business.
At first, when we “give in” to that, we feel others will call us lazy, and so we resist. Once we let go of that notion and quit worrying about what others think ,we come to realize that they aren’t us, so couldn’t possibly know what is right for us, and we become more productive in far less time. Life becomes full of joy,bliss, fulfillment, and inner peace.
Most entrepeneurs are creative souls who want to make a difference in the world using their uniqueness, skills,talents, and knowledge. We start our businesses to be able to follow our heart, create a lifestyle we want, and to be the “boss” and decision-maker of what our business should be like. We have strong ethics and values that we want to live our lives by.
Fun is a crucial component in an entrepenur’s life. All work and no play makes us all dull, stagnating, and feeling unsatisfied. Taking the time to have hobbies, a social life, and do artistic/creative things is a wonderful way to get in touch of who we really are, so we can be authentic in our business too.
I’m not suggesting to waste lots of time or getting carried away with things that are not business-related. Real work must be done regularly.
My goal though, is to be doing things I love a majority of the time, outsourcing as much of the tasks I don’t, and build that lifestyle that suits me and noone else while building a successful business.
I too am a late bloomer. I chose to be a homemaker raising my five kids, tried out different jobs- including corporate America, and now as an empty-nester have spent a couple years figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don’t regret all the past things. They have led me to where I am today- enthusiastic about what I am doing each day pursuing what I am feeling led to do.
I don’t have all the answers yet, and probably never even will, but I am happier than I have ever been. My life is on a more even keel instead of a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs. Each day is truly a gift and I am thriving on all the new discoveries I make. I know ME better, and love who I have become. Since I want others to experience these wonderful epiphanies for themselves, I am passionate about sharing my own journey.
Thank you, Mary for taking the time to read and comment. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I am pleased that sharing my journey helps is small way.
Hugs, Sandy
Dear Sandy,
your article has struck a chord with me – many of your “old beliefs” sound a lot like mine, especially the “don’t be a slacker” one
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It’s very reassuring to know that I’m not the only one who has a hard time letting go and giving myself a rest (I’m also at that point right now, so I can relate to the article a lot!
In fact every time I come here, I find it very inspiring to see behind the scenes, learning that it’s not all a miracle but something a human can achieve…THANK YOU SO MUCH and keep it up!!!
Best wishes
Mary
Thank you Gilles. Learning to rest and not fill every minute of every day is a new experience.
Sandy
Hi Sandy,
I can relate to what you say. I’ve been self-employed for over 6 years and like you, my to-do list is very long, longer than ever. However, what is most important is that the entries in the list are all tasks related to my dream life, which I am living. A huge difference to what to-do tasks used to be when I was working for corporations. They tasks then were related to someone else’s dream and agenda.
As my mentor Earl Nightengale says “We are what we think about”. In other words, we are our beliefs. I think there are times to speed up and times to slow down. Listening carefully to our Spirit, we can be in tune to which mode to be in.
Have fun decompressing and enjoy your time of “rest”
Gilles Gagnon
Hi Sandy,
Thanks for sharing this. Creating a new lifetyle and becoming the person you want to be is very exciting, yet new territory can be challenging. You know what you want to do and have some direction, and I’m sure you will find your pace and groove in time. Try and let yourself rest when you need to and give some heed to the nurturing voice.
p.s. I really like your online journaling course!
Sandy!
You know that this learning to rest thing (insert rolling of eyes here) has been really hard for me.
I still suck at it.
BUT dancing has taught me a lot. Like I can only, truly push my body so far before my muscles start to feel too weak for the simplest movement.
I think there is a good analogy in there…somewhere (sigh)…for the rest of our lives.