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I could not bring in the New Year with the “Feeling Lost” post as the last post of the year. I wanted something more upbeat and positive.
The feelings I wrote about yesterday at one point in my life would have incapacitated me for days or even weeks, but now they don’t. They come and they go and they don’t last that long. Today is a new and brighter day.
So, on this New Year’s eve I decided to share a page from my art journal that I created in September at the Creative Dig Workshop. My intention prior to beginning it was… - “releasing the creative child’s heart within me and letting her out to play”
I think letting my creative self out to play for 2010 is a pretty good start for the New Year.
(You can click on this image to open in another page for a better view.)
Wishing everyone a dream filled 2010!!
Happy New Year!!!!
I spent the day yesterday visiting my old work place, chatting with old friends and going to lunch with my old boss.
I don’t miss the politics, the drama, the battles or the commute. I do miss the people, my paycheck, and the intellectual challenge.
I have no regrets about resigning. It is not where I want to be.
The problem is that some days I don’t know where I want to be. I just feel lost.
It’s not that I don’t have things to do. I have a lot of projects lined up and a to-do list a mile long.
I should be excited. I should be hyper motivated. I should be working my ass off.
But, I’m not.
I stare out the window and watch the squirrels run around like crazy. I bake bread and make big pots of homemade soup. I soak in the tub at two in the afternoon. I aimlessly surf the net reading about all the great things people are planning to do in 2010 while I have anxiety attacks when people ask me “What are you planning for next year? What do you do for money? How do you support yourself?”
I mumble a little, try to legitimize quitting my job by talking about my logistics consulting company, try to explain that The Dreaming Cafe is not a brick and mortar coffee house and that I write, but I don’t get paid for writing.
I have no clear answer right now. I just know that I didn’t belong where I was any more, and that I am following my heart to where I believe I belong.
The in-between place is where I am now. It is this in-between place that I feel lost.
This morning the feeling of being lost was particularly intense.
I meditated. That didn’t help.
I journaled. That didn’t help.
I turned the heater up and lit a candle. That didn’t help.
I emailed some friends. That didn’t help.
Then, while I was cleaning up my email box I re-read Tama Kieves’ Awakening Artistry December newsletter and decided today I would just ‘be’ with what I was feeling.
Tama has been where I am today and I admire her greatly. I pulled down my copy of “This Time I Dance” and randomly opened to page 105.
Reading this helped me realize I am not alone and I am not the first person to walk this path…
“I’d find myself missing what I hated, only because that bustle and busyness felt substantial and I did not. I didn’t want to practice law. And I didn’t want to return to the sleek oppression of an office on the thirtieth floor. Yet I longed for the coherence of a world. I wanted places to go and hats to wear and the easy well-being of knowing just where I belonged. Dangling on the sidelines, I longed for a part in the play.”
Oh, how I too, long for a part in the play.
But, like Tama I’m committed to the journey, of sometimes feeling lost and to experiencing the unknown because I don’t want a part in someone else’s play. I want to write my own play, produce it, direct it and star in it.
That takes time.
Today I just need to lovingly, and without judgment, acknowledge feeling lost and go with the flow.
I have a chat scheduled with a friend at 11am and a lunch date with an ex-coworker at 1pm.
In between, and the rest of the day, I think I’ll curl up with Tama’s book, order a pizza for dinner and maybe watch a movie…and, remember to close my eyes periodically, breath deeply and feel grateful that I am loved by family and friends and that I have all that I need and want in this moment in time.
Investing in Yourself – A Personal Lifelong Learning Investment Portfolio
Investing in stock, bonds, and/or real estate is a calculated risk. You may win or you may lose.
We are told to invest steadily and invest for the long term and our return on investment, ROI, will support us in our retirement. But, with the recent downturn in the real estate and stock markets, and our economy in general many people no longer believe this.
But, is that all there is to life? Money? Money gives us choices, but it doesn’t create lasting fulfillment, joy or love.
What if I told you there was an investment you could make that gave you a lifetime of returns from the moment you invested your capital? What if I told you that the capital you invested could be small, and did not always have to be money? What if I told you that these investments had a guaranteed return and that fulfillment, joy and love were the dividends paid?
Are you curious?
Have you figured out yet what the capital is? What the investment is?
The ‘capital’ you invest is both your time and your money and the ‘investment’ is you! This is the number one investment you can make and it is an investment that provides a lifetime of returns.
Investing in lifelong learning is a key component to any investment portfolio for your future. This investment takes both time and money. But, once invested, no one can take it away from you. When you learn something new it is yours and yours alone and yours for a lifetime.
When you invest in yourself by taking the time to do the things you love, things that bring you joy and things that enhance your life, and investing time and money in a lifelong learning portfolio, you are creating an environment where you can thrive intellectually, spiritually, emotionally and physically.
So, what does this type of personal lifelong learning investment portfolio look like?
A lifelong learning portfolio like this includes both time (a non-monetary investment) and money.
Time..
* To do the things you enjoy and bring you joy.
* To spend family and friends.
* For reading.
* For learning.
* For thinking and contemplation.
* To explore ideas.
* To play and have fun.
* For self-care.
Money for…
* Books
* Tapes and CD’s
* Classes, workshops and seminars
* Home study courses
* Conferences and expos
* Teleclasses
* Membership and organization fees
So, now that you know what your personal lifelong learning investment portfolio looks like, what does your ROI look like? What are the dividends paid?
Some possibilities include…
* Greater health and vitality
* A spring in your step and reason to get up in the morning
* Friends who share common values and beliefs
* Support and encouragement from your ‘tribe’
* Enthusiasm for life
* Greater self-confidence stemming from greater self-knowledge
* Hope
How do I know this?
I have always invested time and money in books, both fiction and non-fiction. I did this to feed an insatiably hunger for knowledge. I have a burning desire to know and to understand virtually everything. This investment in books alone has helped me survive numerous difficult and dark periods in my life and continues to pay returns to this day. I remember stories I read as child and tidbits of knowledge I’ve picked up along the way. I own all of this. It is mine and no one, ever, can take it away from me.
Over the last two yeas I expanded my investment portfolio and have spent countless hours and several thousands dollars attending workshops and seminars around the country, enrolling in home study courses, participating in teleclasses and taking online classes.
In the last twenty-four months I have visited eight different cities, in six different states to invest my time and my money attending workshops that interested me.
For some of you this may not seem like a lot, especially if you travel for business, but for me it is a tremendous investment. First, each trip and each workshop was something I wanted to do and was funded solely by me. No company expense account. Secondly, this is equivalent to three to four times the amount of travel as compared to my entire lifetime.
What about my returns?
The combined time and money investment has already paid dividends beyond my wildest dreams.
What do these dividends look like?
* I have never been happier than I am today.
* I have never been more fulfilled than I am today.
* I have never had so much hope for my future and the future of my family and friends.
* I am surrounded by people who share my values and beliefs and hope for the future.
* I have built friendships that I expect to last a lifetime.
* I have a support circle, a tribe, which encourages me and believes in me.
* I feel better physically, mentally and emotionally than I ever have.
* I have a deeper sense of spirit and belonging.
* I believe in myself and treat myself with loving kindness.
* And, I have more to give others than I ever thought possible. The more I give, the more I have to give.
I didn’t start out investing lots of money. I started with time. Then I added books, followed by classes at the local community colleges, free ‘meet-ups, and teleclasses.
October 2007 was the first time I invested in something ‘big’ that I was interested in and traveled to Delray Beach Florida for me a four day seminar.
Investing time and money into a personal lifelong learning investment portfolio was a way to feed and support my dreams and goals. I invested in things I loved and wanted to know more about. I invested my time in doing the work required and into building and maintaining relationships.
And, I will continue to invest in myself. The return on the investment is a lifetime guarantee.
“You can never learn less, you can only learn more.” R. Buckminster Fuller
So, what does your personal lifelong learning investment portfolio look like?
(Originally published in The Dreaming Cafe newsletter, Issue No. 42 Sunday, November 1, 2009. If you enjoyed this article you can subscribe HERE)
I don’t really like New Year’s resolutions so I made a list of un-resolutions. Then I realized that some of these things could be turned around and used to create a resolution list for life – a life philosophy you might say.
Top Ten UN-Resolutions for 2010
1. Obsess about the past or worry about the future
2. Engage in negative self-talk
3. Attempt to organize my whole life
4. Multitask
5. ‘Quit’ something
6. Attempt to ‘fix’ myself
7. Make promises I can’t keep
8. Say “yes” when I mean “no”
9. Stress over money
10. Compete with others
Top Ten Resolutions for Life
1. Live in the present moment
2. Engage in positive self-talk
3. Accept I am organized in some areas and not in others
4. Focus on one thing at a time
5. Start something
6. Acknowledge I don’t need ‘fixing’
7. Only make promises I can keep
8. Say “no” when I mean “no”
9. Believe I have everything I need and want
10. Compete with myself
Entrepreneurship / Self-Employment / Business Life
Creativity / Writing / Art
Blogging / Social Media / Marketing and Money & Finances
Personal Growth / Self-Help and Health / Nutrition / Diet / Fitness
Memoir / Biography / Autobiography
What’s on your wish list? Leave a reply.
I can never have too many books on my list.
Have you ever fallen into the all or nothing trap?
It goes something like this:
The ‘all’ is the BIG goal, the BIG dream, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the something for nothing mentality. We know the truth, but ignore it. We set ourselves up for failure thinking this time will be different, or believing in some miracle infomercial claim that we will be the one that succeeds despite the odds.
The ‘nothing’ is the excuse, the mental rationalization game we play with ourselves when we don’t hit the ‘all’ lottery.
For some of us this ‘all or nothing’ thinking pattern has been with us most of our lives and it’s a hard habit to break. Finding and accepting the ‘in-between, balanced’ approach is a lot harder, especially if you have had a lifetime of swinging from one extreme to another.
What does it this ‘in-between, balanced’ life look like:
The ‘in-between, balanced’ lifestyle isn’t a roller coaster ride of anticipation followed by adrenaline rushing excitement. It is a slow, meandering, relaxed way to life. It is like taking a train ride across country. In time you grow used to the gentle rocking of the train and no longer crave the rush of the roller coaster, the ‘all or nothing’ lifestyle.
The ‘in-between, balanced’ lifestyle can lead to a healthier, wealthier, more fulfilling life.
It’s not easy. I still struggle with it. I have found that if I write it down – the ‘all’ and the ‘nothing’ – and then look for the smallest, in-between step I can take, I feel calmer, more relaxed, and more focused. Taking this approach I have accomplished more goals and in shorter periods of time than I ever thought possible.
What about you? What are your all or nothing habits? When was the last time you experienced this type of thinking? What did you do? Are you willing to give the in-between, balanced way of life a chance?
(Originally published in The Dreaming Cafe newsletter, Issue No. 25, Sunday, July 5, 2009. If you enjoyed this article you can subscribe HERE)
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