Ever feel like you are fooling yourself and everyone around you?
I did tonight after buying my first watercolors.
I was totally inspired by this video interview: “Creative Juicy Connie”
But, like I said, then I got home, and opened them.
I froze like a deer in the headlights.
Me, an artist?? Who was I fooling? I didn’t even know where to begin. I can’t even draw!!!
I attempted to push past the self doubt and then an old voice in my head said, “Don’t make a mess!”
I couldn’t do it.
I closed the box and put the paints away.
I really HATE being a beginner and not knowing what to do or where to start. The desire is there, but…
I didn’t give up though. I had a need to express myself tonight in some way, shape or form.
Several months ago I discovered the powerful work of Lucia Capacchione, PhD and her art therapy theories of writing and drawing with your non-dominant hand.
So that’s what I did. I got out my colored pencils and some paper and for an hour just let go – using only my left hand, my non-dominant hand.
I felt much better when I was done.
Was it any good?
No.
But, I didn’t intend it to be a work of art.
I intended it to be an expressive art, a visual representation of what I want, but cannot ‘do’ yet.
It is frustrating to be a beginner. But, even as I say that, I am tingling with excitement in anticipation of learning and mastering something new.
In the eyes of those around me and the world…will I ever be a real artist? A documentary film maker? A Yogini? A runner? A healer?
I don’t know.
I do know that in my heart I am all of these things and more.
It took me close to ten years each in my last two professions to reach the level of ‘expert’ or ‘master’.
I have only begun to embrace the callings in my heart to be a writer, artist and entrepreneur and the newest calling-healer.
Six-months versus ten years is a long time.
But, even within these callings, in some areas I am an expert, a master. It is in these areas that I am starting. They are the things I teach and share; they are the trunk of the tree. The new things I am learning and want to learn – they are the new branches and leaves stretching towards the sun and the roots that will grow deeper with time.
I debated with myself about sharing this. It’s personal. And, like I said, it is not work of art. But, like Connie said in her interview “you don’t have to find your voice, you just have to let to out.”
So, here it is…
Thank you for the support and encouragement, Andrea. It means a lot to me as I travel this new path.
Such courage! I am so impressed, Sandy. And, as any artist worth his/her salt knows, art is about the process and not the result. Experiement with EVERYTHING. have fun. With no expectations to weigh you down you will find, one day, that something — medium or style or subject or ‘voice’ — talks to you like no other. You’ve made an excellent start.
PS Lots of artists “can’t draw”. It’s all about finding your niche.
Oh, Connie, thank you! I need to print this out. I’ll try, promise. And, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t yell at me or anyone else. Everything you said inspired me! Thanks for being such a wonderful teacher and guide on this path.
Thanks, Jess!
I’m moved, to tears. My heart is full of love for YOU and all that you are, right now, in this instant, already. Sending you lots of love. I’m right beside you on this path! xo
Dear Sandy,
Thank you for sharing this. I mean that both as a person that “teaches” Art and Creativity to beginners all the time..as well as a person that deeply cares about you.
First, I feel like I need to apologize. When I think of my video that you make reference too–and how it inspired you–my comments to “just do it”…I cringe. I am embarrassed. How rough and cold a comment that is to yell (and I feel like I was yelling) at a beginner. If a young child was standing at the edge of a high dive for the first time in his life would I yell at him “Just do it–stop whining!”. No…I would be much more kinder..much more softer.
I feel like I failed you, and many others that are out there standing on the edge of their Artistic journey–by yelling something…when I should have actually whispered and possibly coaxed. Spoke with honey laced words.
So I thank you. I thank you for teaching me a great lesson. I am humbly grateful.
I want to help you love those watercolors. And, my dear friend…out of all the painting materials to choose–you go with the hardest to learn first. Sounds like a real Artist to me–naturally looking for a challenge!!
I think what happened…that “deer in a headlight” feeling came from the blank page. I see it happen daily even with my kiddos–who jump into art like a cannonball. But it happens. It happens to me.
So here is assignment number one: Pull out those watercolors again and at least five pieces of paper.
Your first paper: I want you to begin by brushing plain water all over the paper. Then, choose two or three colors. Get your brush wet, and then loaded with the watercolor pigment…now randomly lay brushstrokes on the paper–watch how the paint bleeds across the paper. Change the colors up and watch how they mix together organically on the paper as well. For fun–grab a paper towel, crunch it into a wad, and dab from place to place and watch what effect you can make then. When your whole paper is covered in color, leave it to dry. Time to move on to the next one.
Paper number two: Do the same thing as above..but this time..do not wet your paper first. What happens differently now to the paints? Try dabbing areas with that paper towel even. Let the paints overlap one another and bleed into each other. Don’t worry about making it look like something…just cover your page in color. When that happens, put it a side and let it dry.
Paper number three: Choose one color. Wet your brush with that color, and start drawing a continuous line over the paper. (you will have to dip your brush back into the color a few times, but keep the line continuous.) Make parts of the line thin, medium, and thick by how much pressure you put on the brush. But try not to let your line overlap or touch–think of it as you’re creating a maze on your paper! (but if the lines do touch–embrace it! It was meant to happen!) When your finished, and the line has crawled all over your paper, let it dry.
Paper number four & five: practice filling your page in with color using any of the above techniques you found the most fun.
Don’t think about making your paper look like anything at all. Your goal is to make the white less intimidating and to build a relationship with the watercolors. You need to learn about them…how they speak, what they can and can not do, what they need. And you need to learn about yourself–how you feel with them, when they do the things they do.
Start there Sandy.
Then–open up your Art journal..and do this. These are great ways to prep your pages for Creative Dig. Go wild!! Have fun! Play with the colors! Experiment over and over..then bring it to Creative Dig…I’ll help you from there.
Thank you so much for this post Sandy…you just opened my eyes and heart incredibly. You helped me become a better teacher by teaching me.
Peace & Love.
Thanks, Sandi. This is just wanted I needed to hear tonight.! Sandy
Sandy,
I am always so excited now to see a new post of yours, and tonight was no different. I too dislike being a beginner- is there some perfectionist trait gene we hold? I totally get your message. Connie fires me up, and I watch her video’s over and over.I believe her- I believe we all have an artist inside, but like she said today, it can take a while to perfect. Dont know about you, but I am not a patient person. I can see things much more clearly than i have ability. I applaude you for working thru this and sharing it with all of us. You are not alone, and you have helped so much.
Thank you. Keep at it, cause I think your work is terrific!!!!!! xoxo
Wow! You are REALLY good.
“brave” like I shouldn’t have?
Deep breath. Another one.
We’ll see.
Oh darling Sandy… you really MUST read my post about my first watercolour! I just started in January and I felt like a scared little girl.
http://fumblingforwords.blogspot.com/2009/02/year-of-living-fearlessly-chapter-5.html
Brave you for showing your page.