An Unfolding Journey-Part 2

Like many of my readers I work a full-time day j-o-b while devoting most of my free time, energy and money to building my dream of being a writer, artist and entrepreneur.

It can be fun, joyful even, but also exhausting. And, you can give up a lot, too, or I do sometimes– some things I don’t miss, like television viewing, but other things I do, like time with my family, reading, hanging out, eating right, exercise and sleep.

It is a daily commitment to finding balance, recognizing and respecting personal boundaries and honoring the calling to be more, do more and contribute more.

But, occasionally a little guilt sneaks in, like when someone complains that you never have time for them anymore, that you are always busy or that they just don’t understand what you are doing or why.

When this happens to me I try to settle in and ‘be’ with the guilt to see where it is coming from and whether it is valid.

I ask myself, “Am I really neglecting this person by pursuing my dreams, or is it because they are just used to me being available all the time, anytime, to fill the voids in their own lives?”

If you are prone to guilt, if it is a habitual response, it can be difficult not to give into. But, once you have learned to recognize what it is and why it is happening, it is a little easier to deal with.

We all have the right and the obligation really, to live our own lives. We choose to share our lives with people we care about, our spouse, our family and our friends. But, we can’t live someone else’s life for them. We can’t protect them from the pain and suffering or the joys and loves of living.

Our parents, our spouse, our children and our friends all need to live their own lives.

When I refer to living your own life, I am referring to the creative journey to self-discovery; learning who we are and why we are.

We each have our own path to travel, and, even though our paths may cross and we may travel together, the journey itself is a solo one.

But, even when we recognize the truth of these statements, an event can occur that triggers an avalanche of guilt that can threaten to bury us, and makes us question these beliefs.

Am I too self absorbed? Am I being selfish by putting my own needs and dreams first? Am I blindly doing what I want instead of what I need to be doing? Am I neglecting [insert name] or are they too dependent on me because they have no dream of their own?

The guilt and anxiety caused by this internal interrogation and questioning of our actions and motives can be gut-wrenching and painful. Old emotional responses may explode to the surface. Old reactionary behaviors may have you saying or doing things before you even realize what is happening.

This is what happened to me last week. I received some potential bad news that totally knocked the wind out of my sails.

I questioned everything I had done up to this point and everything I am was planning and working toward for the future.

I was nearly immobilized for a few days. My first response was to quit, pack it all in. I felt as if I had only two choices-give up and devote myself to this situation and the people involved or selfishly pursue my own goals.

I have learned a lot about myself over the last eighteen months. I have learned some new ways of processing the ups and downs, the daily events in my life. I have learned that everything life is not an either or choice, that taking care of me is just as important as taking care of others and that it is possible to do both at the same time.

How did I manage the events of last week? How will I manage future ones? How can you?

• Don’t deny or push away what you are feeling. As difficult as it is, you need to let your emotions out. You need to acknowledge and feel what is happening inside of you. This is where ‘being’ and ‘sitting’ with your emotions comes in.
• Don’t ‘do’ anything, or make any rash decisions. Hold off any major decisions until you have had time to calm down.
• Reach out for help, talk to someone, a close friend, your doctor or your therapist.
• Reach out to friends; share some of what you are going through.
• Accept the kindness of others. Sometimes just a few encouraging, supportive words makes everything seem just a little better.
• Take time to meditate or pray.
• Slow down. Don’t try to do much. Take a break. Rest.
• Journal. Write out what you are feeling and experiencing, or draw it, or paint it, or sculpt it. Don’t try to analyze it or sensor it, just get it all out in whatever medium is most comforting to you.
• Take care of yourself. Treat yourself with the same loving kindness you would a friend in need.
• Don’t allow the guilt to convince you to give up on your own life, your own path, your own creative journey to self-discovery.
• You may need to scale back a little, slow down or adjust your plan to accommodate the needs of someone else or to care for someone you love, but don’t give up your dreams.

These are the actions and reminders that worked for me this past week.

Reaching out to others was the hardest, but in the end one of the most important things I did to help me move through the emotional storm.

Overall, it wasn’t easy and some days it still isn’t. But, doing all of these things combined helped me settle down and settle in. They helped me feel calmer, more positive and more hopeful.

Right now I am still doing my thing-writing, creating, taking steps toward the future, while also being there for the people who need me. It is a balancing act, not an exclusive, one or the other choice.

In this moment, today, things are okay.

Have you taken similar steps when you have found yourself in a crisis situation or in the midst of some life altering news? What else did you do?

Thank you for reading, sharing and supporting me on my journey. My deepest hope is that by sharing my journey I can help support you on your own.

Personal note – thank you to old friends and new friends who emailed me or posted a reply on my last post. Your kind words and comforting thoughts made getting through those first few, rough days a little easier.

Love, peace and blessings to you all.