The news hit me like the violent wake of an explosion, picking me up and slamming me into a brick wall. I crumpled to the floor, temporarily unable to breath, unable to move, the pain ripping through my body.
How do I write when I can’t even think? How do I process what is happening when I don’t know the whole truth yet? How do I continue to move forward when my vision is blurred by tears and it feel as if I am being torn apart?
That’s how I have felt for the last two days. Today, I am a little better. I can breath a a little better and I can see a little better. But, the storm is not over and I am afraid it has just begun.
I wrestled with what to say and not say in this post.
-
One side of me argued, “You are building something here. You are trying to help others. Don’t mess it all up by telling people you are momentarily lost.”
“But, this is part of the journey and I want to be honest.”
“You’re building a business! This could hurt you.”
“No! It is more than a business. I want to help people travel the awakening path and see the world of possibilities open to them. But, this path has both joy and pain and they need to know that we all experience both.”
“But…”
And the internal dialogue continued until I wrote this post.
The news that came on Wednesday is still unfolding and I am not sure where it will end up.
In the meantime, I am resisting my old way of reacting – withdrawing from everyone and everything.
I am reaching out to friends for support, online and off. I am trying to ‘sit’ with the emotions and the pain. I am trying to remember to be kind and compassionate with myself. And, today I am doing okay.
Thank you for your ongoing support.
Meta Meditation:
May I be free from inner and outer harm,
May I be happy, peaceful. healthy and strong,
May I take care of myself with joy,
May I hold myself in arms of love,
May I embrace my heart.
May you be free from inner and outer harm,
May you be happy, peaceful. healthy and strong,
May you take care of yourself with joy,
May you hold yourself in arms of love,
May you embrace your heart.
This is adapted from Carol Spears, “A Lotus For You”, CD.
Oh, Connie, my deepest sympathies. Thank you for taking the time to reply and leave a comment. I just visited your site and out recommended reading list has several of my own favorites. Take care.
Sandy
Sandy – I’m wrestling with precisely this issue with in my just-hatched blog. My mom died Monday after being in hospice for a week. I want to share, make a difference and continue to provide inspiration. If there’s anything I cna do or we can do together to support each other, it would be my honor. Sending blessings.
Thank you, Renee.
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Whatever it is Sandy, I’m so sorry you’re affected like this. Some schools of thought say plow through it, but I’m inclined to say dealing and healing come first, whatever your method.
You have MANY ears and virtual shoulders out there for you – feel free to use them, including mine.
Take care.
Thanks, Heather!
Thank you for your honesty. I was feeling pretty lost this week too, and you helped me through that.
If you need someone to talk to about whatever it is that you’re dealing with, please email me – I’d love to be an ear for you.