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This Too Shall Pass, No One Promised You a Rose Garden, Part 2
What I forgot to mention in yesterday’s post, “No One Promised You a Rose Garden”, is that it does get better.
The bad days, the days that make you question all that you are doing, slowly come less often and are spaced further apart.
The beginning is the most difficult, especially if you are still attached to an old life or old ways of thinking. These periods of transition and can last a few months or a few years.
William Bridges, author of “Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes”,
states that:
“A transition is much more than a change. Change is situational. Transition on the other hand is psychological. It is not those events [relocating, a new job, birth or death], but rather the inner orientation and self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life.”
He goes on further to define the three phases of transition as “(1) an ending, (2) a neutral zone, and (3) a new beginning.”
I have found that the dark days, the difficult times, for me, are most often experienced during times of transition when I am in the neutral zone, the in-between zone.
I have passed through many transitions over the last eighteen months. Most of them were personal, and at times very painful, but were not as visible to the outside world as the current transition phase. But, without the previous periods of growth I would not be where I am today.
My current transition involves moving from employee to self-employed. I feel stuck sometimes. Sometimes I feel things are moving to fast and at others that they are moving to slow. It is all part of the in-between zone, the neutral zone, as I navigate my internal psyche and re-define myself.
We all need to take the time to move through and process the periods of transition. Resistance to, or trying to hurdle past them only slows us down and moves us back to square one. And sometimes our resistance is trying to tell us something. Maybe we haven’t done all of our ‘work’, the ‘inner reorientation’ needed to move on.
A great post about resistance and the work we need to do, the ‘prerequisites’ is by Ken Robert at Mildly Creative, titled “Have You Met Your Goals’ Prerequisites?”
Today, I experience the difficult days less frequently and they are of shorter duration.
One of the main reason this is true is because I have learned to recognize the signs and the triggers that kick starts the ‘darkeness’, the self doubt, fatigue, and anxiety.
For me, the triggers are: spending too many hours in traffic; too many hours doing work that just eats up my time instead of feeding my soul; when I fail to adhere to my daily rituals and practices, like meditating, walking and writing; when I forget to say ‘no’, and fail to honor my need for solitude; and when I forget and compare myself to other people, what they are doing, how talented they are or where they are in their journey.
These are my triggers. It is important to figure out what yours are so that you can watch for them. I am not saying you can avoid them, but you will at least recognize what is going on, know that it is normal and that you need to move through them.
No one promised you (or me) a rose garden, no one said it would be easy, but remember, that this too shall pass. There is an end, a middle and a new beginning.
by Helen Steiner Rice
If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be-
If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing about me,
Secure in the knowledge God loves me
When everyone else seems to doubt me-
If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true,
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too-
Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all of the chains
That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear-
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.
I have known for long time that the creative journey to self-discovery is not an easy one. That it is the path less traveled. Knowing it and experiencing is not the same thing. The highs and lows, periods of of great productivity and periods of mere survival is common for those who seek greater self knowledge, a deeper spirituality and an unconventional life. There are, of course, many days of cruising along and just enjoying the scenery.
Based on recent conversations and correspondences with friends, I have noticed that I am not the only one experiencing some of these emotional swings from high to low and everything in between.
There are days I feel so light and free, so filled with love and joy that it feels as if a rainbow has burst forth from my chest. All is right with me and the world.
At other times, I sit alone and shivering, seeking refuge beneath the towering, Great Redwoods, having been caught in an unexpected rain storm. Nothing is right with me and the world.
There are periods of great productivity, when my energy has no bounds, I bound out of bed before dawn and stay up well past sunset. Then there are days I can barely drag myself out of bed well past sunrise.
Re-reading Tama Kieves, “This Time I Dance”,
she reminds me that it is all normal.
“Two minutes after you make your grand entrance into a bold new life, don’t be surprised if passion and anticipation give way to a divine sludge. It’s like the second you fly the coop, you land in this vat of emotional pea soup.”
If you seek to grow, you will experience growing pains.
But, I am learning that there are ways to ease the pain, but still move forward.
The creative journey to self discovery is more than just trudging along putting one foot in front of the other. Whether you are learning to climb a mountain or learning to fly, there are things you can do to help you on your journey.
Be prepared. Know in advance there will be trials and obstacles to overcome, fears and old belief systems to work through.
Have the right tools and equipment. This can be a combination of many things, a therapist with whom you can confide and work through temporary blocks; a supportive friend who will listen when needed; a support group of friends and acquaintances on a similar journey; inspirational books; outlets for you to express yourself-exercise, writing, dancing, cooking, drawing, singing, prayer, meditation, painting, etc.
The strength to carry on. Strength comes from deep within us in times of crisis, but it is also something we can build. Like training for an athletic competition, we start where we are and build our strength and endurance every day by training. The creative journey to self discovery is the the same. You build inner strength and endurance by continually inching forward.
A reason why. Without knowing why you have embarked on this journey, you will more than likely give up when the storms roll in. Knowing why, and embracing it, will allow you to survive and thrive when things get difficult.
Courage to move beyond your fears. Building your strength and knowing why you are on this journey will help give you the courage you need to continue. Courage is not acting when there is no fear, courage is taking action in the face of fear. Courage comes from the heart. And, the fact that you have set out on this great adventure, this creative journey to self discovery, already proves you have a great heart.
As I remind myself, and you, remember ‘no one promised you a rose garden‘, no one said it would be easy. But, it is an adventure of a lifetime.
Leave a comment and share a part of your journey.
Within the last 48-hours I completed one project and launched another one. I am very excited about these two projects, but something has been nagging at me as well.
The project I completed was one I had been thinking about for months. But, thinking about something, and imagining something doesn’t make it happen. So I buckled down and finished compiling two guides of what I felt was the best of the best of free information on the web that has the potential to change people’s lives.
I decided to offer them as a gift for current and new subscribers to The Dreaming Cafe’s weekly newsletter. I thought this was a brilliant idea. Other people offer free gifts for joining a mailing list all the time. I figured I should, too. It’s called marketing.
But, for the last 24-hours this strategy has been bothering me. And, until I began writing about it, journaling about it, I couldn’t put my finger on ‘why‘.
I have defined my life’s mission as: ‘to learn, to grow and to share‘, not ‘to learn, to grow and to offer a free gift to people who will join my mailing list‘.
All but two of the top ten downloads, and all of the bonus resources that I compiled in these two guides are free – no obligation. They link to e-books, guides and manifestos written by people sharing information; people helping people; people living their lives in ways that make a difference.
That’s what I want to do.
But, just like when I thought about, and imagined compiling a resource report. I had to actually write it.
I can’t just think about, and dream about making a difference. I have to take action and make a commitment.
So, although part of me argues that I need subscribers and the best way to get them is to follow the crowd and offer a free gift, I am instead going to listen to my heart and do what I believe and feel is right.
I am making things right.
Below are the links to the guides I began offering yesterday as a free gift for joining The Dreaming Cafe’s mailing list and subscribing to my newsletter.
You are under no obligation whatsoever to join or subscribe.
Read, save, share and enjoy.
We can’t change the world if we are worried about people ‘following’ us, liking us, or subscribing to our mailing lists.
We can only change the world if we live and act in ways that are true to our own hearts.
These three links will open in Adobe PDF. You can save them to your computer and refer back to them as often as you like. These guides reference over 400 pages of free information that has the potential to change your life. Read them, enjoy them and share them
Food For Thought-Ideas That Can Change Your Life – The Dreaming Café’s Guide to the Top Ten FREE E-Books, Guides & Manifestos
BONUS: Additional Resources and Articles to Read Online
And, one more. This list was first introduced in The Dreaming Cafe’s April 26, 2009 newsletter. This document is now one page and easy to print out.
ABC’s of Following Your Dreams: 26 Keys That Worked For Me
Book Review: Ignore Everybody: and 39 Other Keys to Creativity
by Hugh MacLeod of gapingvoid.com
Hugh MacLeod of gapingvoid.com began drawing on the back of business cards while working full time in the advertising world. The small size made it a convenient canvas for his ideas and artwork allowing him to sketch his ideas anywhere, anytime. He purposely kept it fun and kept it separate from his day job as a copywriter.
This is actually one of his keys, #8 Keep Your Day Job. This is his ‘cash and sex theory’. Basically, somethings you do for the money, somethings you do for fun. He uses John Travolta as one example who does one movie for the ‘money’, BROKEN ARROW, and another for the ’sex’ and fun, PULP FICTION.
Hugh’s ideas and keys, are short, funny, and right to the point. Each one is an engaging read and invites conversation. There were many times I found myself talking to an imaginary Hugh, who took the form of my best friend since their ideas about life are so similar. I could imagine myself, like Hugh, sitting on a bar stool, bantering around ideas, agreeing and disagreeing. There were many times I found myself laughing out loud at the many cartoons and the chord they struck.
Overall this is a entertaining book filled with ideas and new ways of looking at every day situations. It will engage you from beginning to end, give you plenty to think about and it will make you laugh at yourself and the world around you. It may only be 39 keys and 156 pages, but it packs a whollop in terms of conversation and idea generators and some outrageously funny cartoons.
I have been working for five days straight finishing up two projects that a few months ago, and even a few days ago, were only ideas, scribbled notes on scraps of paper. But, last tonight I put the finishing touches on both and I am back up before dawn checking my to do list.
I want to post both projects and tell everyone about them right this minute. I am very pleased with both and so very excited.
But, I’ve learned from experience, the hard way, that once I complete a project I have to put it down and walk away for a little while. I may think I am done, but by giving myself a break and putting some distance between me and my work, I will be able to come back to it fresh. I’ll be able to see it with the light of the day and see all its flaws, not with the nearsightedness of excitement. When I come back to it I will be able to make sure it flows, that it is as good as I thought it was, that there are no typo’s, that the code works, that the links work and that it generally looks like I expected it to.
The closer I get to my dream, the faster I want to go. I am trying to slow down so I don’t trip and fall.
I feel like a puppy learning to sit, just shaking and twitching all over with anticipation and excitement.
I remind myself that these two projects aren’t the dream, they are only stepping stones.
I remind myself that I don’t have to run toward my dream, I am living it. A dream isn’t a destination, it is a journey; it is the singular moments lived each day.
I am living and doing what I want most days, and that is a blessing.
I hope you are doing the same. Have a great day!!
If you ever have any questions, comments, feedback or want to share a story from your journey, you can always email me at Sandy@TheDreamingCafe.com
Two new announcements will be posted soon. Check back in a few days or check your INBOX if you are on my mailing list.
For a long time I’ve wanted to teach. I thought that meant being a ‘professor’ and having a PhD.
When I’d tell my friends that I wanted to be a college professor, they’d nod their heads and say, “Yeah, I can see that.”
That made me feel good. But, as much a I wanted to be a college professor, I could never settle down and focus my attention long enough on one subject earn an advanced degree.
Looking back and exploring my past, I began making a list of all the times in my life when I was teaching.
- As the oldest of three children I used to design lessons and teach my younger siblings what I had learned in school. They were simple lessons like writing numbers and letters. I remember having fun making up worksheets for them, but I don’t really remember them having fun doing the homework their big sister gave them.
- As a teenager I taught C.C.D. / Sunday school.
- As a college student, I had the opportunity to design nutrition lessons for both preschoolers and elementary students. I worked in a Headstart preschool program for one semester and presented my lessons. Teaching three-year-olds is a lot of fun, especially when they get to eat the homework.
- After graduating and landing a job in a hospital Dietetics department, I again had the opportunity to teach. By law, all of the hospital kitchen staff had to attend a monthly in-service related to food safety and nutrition. Since most of the Dietitians and Diet Techs saw this as chore, I had the opportunity to design and present numerous lessons over the five years I worked in this field.
- More recently, I have had the opportunity to speak and present at several national trade shows and conventions sharing and teaching what I have learned in the field of transportation, distribution and logistics.
- Adding to this, I have taught numerous technology related topics to small groups of employees, as well as, having taught one-on-one.
Then I listed why I believed I wanted to be a college professor.
- Opportunity for lifelong learning.
- Opportunity to do research and write.
- Opportunity to teach adults and share my knowledge and what I’ve learned.
Taking the time to make these two lists I realized that I didn’t need a PhD to teach and that I have been teaching my whole life.
I realized that I…
- I engage in lifelong learning every day.
- I don’t need a PhD to do research and write about topics I’m interested in.
- I have been teaching all my life.
I also realized that…
- I absolutely love researching and designing lessons plans.
- I love sharing my knowledge and what I have learned.
- I enjoy teaching children, but love working with, and teaching adults.
- I love working with eager students who want to learn.
Will I ever get that PhD? Who knows. I love to learn as much as I love to teach, so maybe one day.
But, regardless, I am looking forward to a lifetime of teaching, even if I never do earn a PhD.
How about you? Is there something you have always done, taken for granted and never realized it? Are there any connections between the adult you of today and the adolescent or teenager of yesterday? What do you love to do? Are you waiting for permission to start?
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