I have been feeling stuck. And, it’s been getting worse.
How do I know? Because my library has grown at an exponential rate for the last few weeks.
It’s kinda of like getting a cold. First I feel a little out of sorts, then some body aches, a fever and then before I know it I can’t get out of bed in the morning.
I’ve had these systems before. I recognize them now, or thought I did.
Whenever I come to a crossroads and begin feeling stuck, confused or unsure, I begin looking for answers.
I feel a little out of sorts. I peruse my library and choose a few books to re-read.
My body begins to ache. The search expands and I need new books, more books, more ideas, more stories, more information.
My fever rages higher and my need for information and answers becomes all consuming.
In the final stages, I am so sick I can barely move and I can’t get out of bed. All around me is the evidence of the cold I have been fighting. There are books everywhere, on every surface, in every corner.
I know to watch for the symptoms. But, this time, just like getting a real cold, I ignored the signs and kept myself so busy I didn’t see it coming.
That is until I hit the submit button on Amazon.com last night for three new books. That makes seventeen new books in the last fourteen days!! I know for sure because I just counted them.
They are not quick and easy reads. Only one of them was a novel. All the rest are non-fiction titles. Creativity. Marketing. Writing. Spirituality. Web design and development. Diet and nutrition. Memoirs and biographies.
I will read them all eventually. I just can’t read at the same rate as I am buying them.
But, the real reason I went on this book binge was to find an answer. An answer that can’t be found in a book.
I know that the answers aren’t ‘out there’. They are inside of me. Books and the knowledge they contain can point me in the right direction and help me discover places I may not have found on my own.
But eventually I have to stop, get quiet and turn inward. And, I have to stay there for awhile. No matter how uncomfortable it gets. I’ve been here before and I know from experience it can get mighty uncomfortable. I just need to stay quiet and listen. I have to let go and eventually the outside noise, the chatter, the static, will move to the background and I will hear and see the answers I seek.
It is just like fighting a cold. There is no way to hurry the illness along. It’s uncomfortable, and painful, but eventually it passes.
The hardest part is not knowing how long it will last.
But, just like fighting a cold, the fever will finally break and then there is the recovery period which can last a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months.
It is in this recovery period where I will eventually find the answers I seek.
And, maybe, while I rest and recover, I’ll read a few books.
