It’s 4am. I’m wide awake. Get out of bed. Brush my teeth. Make coffee. Make tea. Meditate. Shower and eat.
Turn on my laptop. Turn on a lamp. Stare at the wall. Think a few thoughts. Smile. Relax. Write and write and write some more. Ideas fly freely. Words flow from my fingertips. I look at the clock. Wow, it’s late. Where’d the time go? It’s 715. It’s time to leave.
Shifting gears.
In the car. Sit in traffic. Stop and go. Blow the horn. Now I’m hungry. Exit the highway. Stop for a bagel. Now I’m late.
Sit in my office. Look at the clock. Stare at the wall. Look at the clock. Think a few thoughts. Look at the clock. Get back to work I tell myself. Look at the clock. Spreadsheets and numbers. Look at the clock. Problems to solve. Look at the clock. Stare at the wall. Look at the clock. Think a few thoughts. Look at the clock. Get back to work I tell myself. Look at the clock. Project schedules. Look at the clock. Cost projections. Look at the clock. Meetings and conference calls that go on forever. Look at the clock. Time moves slow. Finally, it’s 515 and time to go.
Pack my bag. Walk out the door. Daylight savings time. The sun still shines. In the car. Sit in traffic. Stop and go. Blow the horn. Now I’m hungry. I’ll wait ‘til I get home.
Pull in the driveway. It’s after six. Home at last. Change my clothes. Eat some dinner. Chat with my husband. Relax a bit.
Shifting gears.
Turn on my laptop. Turn on a lamp. Stare at the wall. Think a few thoughts. Smile. Relax. I am happy at last. Ideas fly freely. Words flow from my fingertips. I write and write and write some more. I look at the clock. Wow, it’s late. Ten o’clock? Where’d the time go?
Crawl into bed. Thoughts won’t leave me. Where’s my pen? Can I write in the dark? Can’t you sleep, my husband asks? I close my eyes and try again. I take a deep breath. Tomorrow’s a new day. Finally, exhausted I drift into dreams.
It’s 4am. I’m wide awake.
It’s harder today. This shifting gears.
I didn’t know it’d be like this.
I didn’t realize it’d be this hard.
Straddling two worlds and shifting gears.
Sandy, you’re pulling out those toxins & bee-stingers with poetry. Keep pulling…it’s gonna hurt more before you’re done. Keep on pulling…
Thank you for letting us into your space. My heart goes out to you straddling these two worlds.
This is so Zenlike and stunning at the same time. You invited us into your world and we can feel it.
I am so sympathetic and empathetic! I remember sitting in my car on the NJ Turnpike at a standstill for over an hour one day while I was still working and thinking that I wanted to just get out and walk away from it all. I finally did about 18 months later.
At least now you know that there is a much better way to live and work on the horizon.
Hang in there…..